Punishment of donating to charity

I have donated both time and money to the local food bank. I’ve sorted food at the distribution center and written a check. And for this, I’m punished. Oh, not terribly punitive in nature, but I get begging snail mail at least every month asking for more. Apparently, since I’ve donated more than once, I must be an easy target.

It isn’t just these people. We had to actually threaten legal action to get March of Dimes to stop calling here. Dick was one of the Mothers who sent out mailings one year. It was disastrous in terms of actually collecting any money. We spent more on postage than we got back in funds and the charity would have received more money if we had just sent it all to them and called it quits. That doesn’t even take into consideration the time and effort behind the campaign.

Then they wanted him to do this again. He said no, I said no, we both said no and they called nightly asking again and again and again right up until we threatened legal action to finally get them to stop.

When you give to a charity, it means you get on their mailing list and will be bombarded with requests until the sun goes nova or perhaps our galaxy collides with another, which ever comes last. All the begging gets tedious and it must be expensive. I know how much it costs for us to print and mail things at work.

And it isn’t even just charities. Speaking of work, the corporate office has a list of “touches” that are supposed to make me feel like a valued customer and happy with the services provided. They recommend … now get this … fifty fucking “touches” per year which seems more like sadistic mauling, if you ask me. Our office does not do the fifty touches, but we send out more crap than I think is reasonable. I’ve tried to mention to the bosses how this is just spam as far as I’m concerned.

The corporate office cannot fathom why so many people opt out of email correspondence even while recommending that we carpet bomb clients’ inboxes with repetitive, useless, unread, deleted emails. Because these emails are important to the company, they feel they must be important to the clients. Just like all the other spam that reaches my inbox.

Honestly, all of us know how to find our favorite charities and donate to them. All of our clients are more than passingly aware of our presence since we are a money business and everybody is watching their money these days.

And that last part is a big piece of the charity problem. Even those of us who are lucky enough to have some spare cash have just come through (at least I hope we are through – they [whoever they are] keep saying things are better) a bad downturn in the economy. Those with money left over are less sure they aren’t going to lose it in another recession/crash/downturn or whatever other euphemistic name we give to “lose lots of your accumulated money” the next time it happens.

The uncertainty and the aging of America as the baby boomers finally retire, are drying up funds for the charity organizations. So they need to repeatedly ask for donations to keep funding their projects. And, because charity has become big business, they have lots of overhead which costs cash.

I’ve listened to the TED talk about the necessity of marketing for charities and how they must spend money to get money. I understand. But I’m far less likely to donate to even beloved charities if they are going to continually nag, badger, beg, or touch me for more funding. It feels like any check sent in to help now is making a lifelong commitment where they get access to my wallet or heartstrings. I feel like a cad each and every time I’m minding my own business and one of these people begins to beg. My answer isn’t based on that, however, it just ruins my day and makes me less likely to sign up for more of this with another charity in the foreseeable future.

 

Rope climbs again?

Yesterday we were talking about a new pricing scale for CrossFit Summerville and I don’t really have to worry about it because I’m grandfathered with the old price scale, which tickled this grandmother, but there you go. I was confused about the time limit and said something about wanting to participate four times a week as soon as the partner WODs end and three times a week until then. Coach Kim was talking about months per subscription but insisted I could do a partner WOD. I explained my issue with last week and she asked if I could even DO a handstand and I said no. She said I would have been holding a plank or something. They would have figured out what to do. And if my heart rate was too high, we would have modified further.

So I decided to go to the box this morning even after looking at the WOD last night. I did write on the webpage that she promised we could scale this somehow. She wrote back the hows and it was all things I could figure out. The parts that freak me out are never the parts that people who aren’t this old and feeble worry about.

I read the WOD over several times, figured out my own workaround and slept peacefully. My biggest problem this morning was breakfast. I eat a banana as soon as I wake up for a little fuel and I only buy enough for each WOD. Since I hadn’t planned on going today, I had to have cantaloupe and hope for the best.

Warm-up was a 250 meter row and then ten cherry pickers, ten ring rows (did all ten without stopping), ten squats, 3 minutes of rope work (still no double unders in sight), lunge down the mat (managed without beeping), and end with dislocates and passthroughs. We used the PVC pipes to practice the moves involved in a snatch and then prepared for the WOD.

The WOD as written:
EMOM for 7 Minutes:
1 Hang Snatch (just below knees) + 1 Snatch (from floor) @ 80% of your 1RM Snatch.
Partner WOD Friday!
6 rounds for time:
4 15′ Rope Climbs
30 Wall balls 20/14#
50 Double-unders (Single-unders still don’t count!)
- Only one partner working at a time.
- BONUS: Each team will have a “Pet Rock” A pet rock is a 45# plate. If your Pet Rock touches the ground at any point in the workout, you will immediately take your penalty of 5 Man-on-Fire Burpees each.

I used the 3.2 pound sand filled PVC pipe but could actually do the move with that and managed to complete my squat sets without harm.

I italicized the portion of this WOD that would have freaked me out. It is what did me in last week. I cannot continually stress myself or my heart rate goes too high. I rest frequently and Kim even said yesterday that when I was beeping I would have been able to rest, of course. So after reading and rereading the directions, as a one-time English major and author I used my reading skills. I don’t have the strength so I used my wits. I sat on a box and like any good grandmother, held my pet in my lap. It really was enough stress between movements for this Little Old Lady.

Cindy and Todd were partners, of course, since they are married. They also needed to leave right at 7 so they only did five rounds. That meant Ricky was stuck with me.

He did two rope climbs, I did two sets of rope progressions and hauled my fat ass from the floor to a standing position six times. Then he did 15 wall balls and I did 10 (with the baby ball) but he misunderstood and did another ten. He did forty double unders and I did 40 singles. I could do more on the singles and so we switched this up a bit.

He did two rope climbs, I did 2 sets; he did 20 wall balls and I did ten; then he did 25 double unders and I did 100 singles and had a heart rate of 178 by the time I was perched with the pet rock in my lap and could look. I have no idea how high it really was. That was too much.

He did two rope climbs, I was still too pooped to move, he did another, I did the last. I went and got 5 wall balls, he did 15, I did ten. Then we tried him with 35 double unders and me with 60 jumps. This actually worked the best.

Ricky did two rope climbs and I did two progressions. I must have looked really bad because he asked if I was all right and I said I was but I was lying. I just wanted to puke. But I got calmed down while he did 20 wall balls and I could do my 10. Then his 35 double unders and my 60 jumps.

He did two rope climbs and I did one progression and looked pitiful so he took over and did one more. Then I did ten wall balls and he did 20 so I started with 60 jumps and he did 35 double unders.

So I started the rope climbs and managed both of mine so he only had to do his two. Then I did ten wall balls and he finished. I did 60 jumps and he did 35 double unders and we finished in 30.56.

I understand that sitting with a 45 pound plate wasn’t the intention. But I could have literally just had it sitting on the 12″ box instead of me sitting on the box and holding the plate. That, too, would have fulfilled the letter of the law. Last evening Kim had said we could have two pet rocks and I suppose I could have stood and held a 10 pound plate, but I feel like I worked as hard as I could and still managed to not puke, which is always one of my goals. So even though I was subversive, I was happy with my performance.

 

Man maker my ass

We went out to a wine tasting last evening and I had only one glass but some extra snacks that were quite tasty. I tried to find the WOD on my phone on the way home, but it wasn’t showing up and so I had to patiently wait to look.

I have decided to start looking at them all as a challenge and realize that I’m more powerful than I give myself credit for being. I keep going back and I keep improving. These WODs aren’t insurmountable. I can do this. I know because I keep doing it.

But once again I had to watch a movie to see what in the hell I was going to be doing. With a name like man maker, I assumed it would be horrible. After looking at the movie, I decided I was doing this without weights because lunging with weights is how I hurt my knee and it is 95% better now, but still not perfect.

So the first thing we did was a 400 meter run which I can’t do so I did a 200 meter run and got back and panted like a lizard on a hot rock and was trying to recover before the 400 meter people returned. I did that recovery thing and then we did lunge down the mat and I managed to make the whole way without beeping. Ten cherry pickers and then inchworm down the mat with a push-up at the bottom. When we broad jump down the mat, Ricky can make it like five or six huge jumps or something ridiculous while it takes me twice as many jumps. Even though he is taller, he doesn’t have the same flexibility as this old broad. So on these, I can beat him because I can really get my feet up to my hands since the one thing I still have is some flexibility. It always cracks me up to have something or anything that I’m not the worst at. So I love this one. We ended with dislocates and passthroughs.

We then went through ten reps of each of the separate movements included in a snatch using just PVC pipes.

The WOD as written:
Spend 20 minutes working on Snatch Technique.
6 rounds for Time:
Run 200m
5 man makers
- Pick a DB weight that will be challenging.

I worked a bit with a sand filled PVC pipe and got to feeling centered. I tried just an overhead squat with the bar. I managed one. I tried more and was falling apart. I repositioned my feet and worried about them and my arms got all noodly, which is now a term, and I couldn’t manage the squat. So I pushed up on the bar while squatting with my feet in the right place and I eventually got three reps in a row, so I managed Monday’s skill.

Our man makers were with dumbbells of weight of choice and I choose 5#, but had 3# ones close by just in case. I never used them. It was from an upright position, jump to a plank with hands on the barbells. Full push-up with chest to floor. On the plank portion, lift one weight to armpit and back down, another push-up, pickup the other weight, jump back in, rise and bring the weights to shoulders as you do a squat, rise up and push the weights overhead. Repeat.

I started out with a 200 meter run/walk, but I was walking for half the distance to try to keep my heart rate under 155 so I could actually do some of that shit when I got back. I managed one full rep and was beeping. I rested, did a second rep, was beeping. I said to Coach Kim that I was going to have to rest after each movement, she said just do three. I said something about the run and she said just do a parking lot sprint. Well, hell. I could manage a parking lot walk and on the way out it had to be really slow because my heart rate was too high after the man maker.

I had four more man makers things to do when it hit me that I was doing an extra push-up with each one. I would push-up, pick up the right weight, push-up, pick up the left weight, push-up and then walk back in. Damn. I stopped that shit as soon I realized I was cheating by doing more. What a dumb way to cheat.

For the last four rounds I did manage 1.5 man makers, rest, 1.5 and then parking lot thing. I finished up in 19.03.

I have a bruised left knee and I have no idea when that happened. It looks much better with all the dirt, grime, and sweat showered off. And, just in case it matters, I did check in the shower, and those did NOT make me turn into a man.

 

Filthy Fifty

Yesterday after the box was rather uneventful here which is much to my liking. We did have some rain and some ugly clouds, but no real storms and for that I’m grateful. I’ve seen what even a small not really a tornado can do and I am so happy to be out of the tornado belt. Of course, I moved into the hurricane belt, but we aren’t to that season yet.

I got some writing and editing done yesterday as well which made the day somewhat productive as well as languid and safe. Then, because I can’t NOT look, I looked.

Today’s WOD was simply going to be ludicrous if not ridiculous and/or completely impossible. I have seen this thing before and I didn’t like it then, either. But my goal is to go to the box every Tuesday and that would mean I am supposed to be there today. So I set my alarm and had difficulty falling asleep, was up at 2 AM for no good reason other than to obsess about this, and made it to the box all tired and cranky.

Warm-up was a 1000 meter row and I got that done in under 6 minutes which is better than it used to be, so that was nice. We then spent ten minutes stretching everything because today’s WOD was going to use everything and we needed to be limber and loose and warm and crazy to even attempt this.

The WOD as written:
“Filthy Fifty”
For Time:
50 Box jump, 24″/20″
50 Jumping pull-ups
50 Kettlebell swings, 1 pood
Walking Lunge, 50 steps
50 Knees to elbows
50 Push press, 45 pounds
50 Back extensions
50 Wall ball shots, 20/14#
50 Burpees
50 Double unders

For the love of God – what fresh new hell is this? Well, it isn’t fresh at all. It is an old WOD and beloved by sadists, masochists, and jocks everywhere or something like that.

Kim was coaching and she assured me we could scale this. We talked about doing some things for 20 reps and some for 30 or doing all of them at one rate or another. She left that part up to me. I chose to do 25 of each thing which it turns out, was actually doable for me. Glad I didn’t weenie on the 20 reps that was on offer. I did the tortuous twenty-five.

Box jumps were on a 14″ box and I managed to get in 14 before I started the beeping crap. I did 11 to finish, but I beeped through the last few which meant I had to wait longer for my heart rate to get back down before the next move.

I had never tried a jumping pull-up but I managed to actually do them. Probably with very little finesse, but they got done. I did 8, 9, 8 to get them in. KB swings were with a 10# KB and were 13, 12 and done. Walking lunges always just beat my ass. I thought I could do them in two swoops, but it took three anyway. But my last pass was just 2 more so I could immediately start the next thing.

I had an option of doing just sit-ups here, but I did knees to almost chest level which is much higher than I could get last time I tried this. Then I could almost get them parallel to my waist, so this is better. Three sets with 9, 8, 8. Push press was with a 22# bar and 9, 8, 8 and very wobbly on the last two. Supermans were switched out for the back extensions.

My nemesis is the wall ball (see next round) and I used the baby ball. I can really break parallel on my squat with the lighter weight and really hit the mark with my throw. But they make me sick. I keep closing my eyes and that helps some, but they still make me sick and they make me beep. I did 7, 6, 6, 6 to get these damn things done.

While struggling with wall balls, I asked Kim if I could just do 25 push-ups instead of burpees and she said yes. I don’t know if I could have actually managed 25 burpees here. I did big boy hand release push-ups 9, 8, 8 and staggered over to the jump rope. I didn’t even attempt a double under. I might be able to do these at some future date, but I simply do not have the power to do them now. And here the ratio is four to one, so I did 50, 50 on the single jumps and finished in 27.07.

My guaranteed to hold rubber band gave out about half way through the WOD. My pony tail was still in place, but the looped hair was unlooped and hanging down my back and sticking to me and swatting me with each jump. I guess girly girls with long hair aren’t supposed to be this awesome. But, I am.

 

Back to the box

I had a busy weekend full of shopping expeditions. That was lots of fun. After LC died, we bought a very expensive comforter for our bed (even though she couldn’t jump that high for the last few years of her life, she loved rolling in the old one when I had it on the floor while washing the sheets). She had ruined at least two and maybe three bedspreads, just because she was a dog not because she was doing anything wrong. But the expensive replacement fell apart within six months. So, we finally bought something new and it looks really cute. And it was not very expensive.

I also got four new skirts for work, all size fours, from two different (but related) stores. They want me to feel good about myself. I have been looking for workout shorts that weren’t too short. I found some at $28 each and that was over my limit. I only paid $18 and $22 for skirts to wear to work. We went to the Reebok store just because and lo and behold, 7″ inseam shorts in a variety of colors and on sale for 2/$30. I got four pair – just in case we stop the partner WODs before it gets cold. However, Reebok (like CrossFit) makes you earn stuff. I was a size M there. Cracked me up.

I continually babied my arm and iced it a few times a day all weekend. I figured I would survive a WOD. I looked last night. All arms. Oh, what the hell, I thought to myself. Just go. So I did. Ricky said they thought I skipped Thursday because it was a tabata. I knew that would happen. I explained about my boo-boo and how I did my own tabata at home anyway – just without arms. I then said I DID skip Friday because it was a partner WOD.

Coach Jason had us this morning. Warm-up was a 500 meter row. Dislocates and passthroughs and I did some of those with the backwards thing that Kim showed me last week. Then ten squats with the PVC pipe locked over head, and ten squatting thrusters with the pipe. Lunge down the mat with hands held over head and locked out and I started beeping three lunges to go. Ten push-ups and I had to wait to start those but they didn’t hurt my arm.

The WOD as written:
15 minutes to establish a 3 rep max Overhead Squat.
4 rounds for Time:
8 Thrusters 135/95#
4 15′ Rope Climbs
Shuttle Sprint (10m out and back, 20m out and back)

I have never been able to actually get an overhead squat with anything more than a PVC pipe. While I can manage that and look pretty good with it now, I can’t do any weight. I went to the next available weight which is 22# (gosh, just think if there was something in between nothing and 22# for idiots like me!) and tried that. Jason said my hands needed to be farther out. He showed me how to hold a PVC pipe and let my hands slide out as I squatted and position my hands that far apart. It helped.

I managed to get two strung together that way, but I simply could not manage a third. I bet I’m going to have to do something like 75% of my overhead squats for a bunch of times. 75% of zero is at least easy math. And even if I managed the 22#, there is nothing lighter.

This was supposed to be a heavy weight thruster, but I used a 22# anyway. My arm is better but I didn’t see any reason to make it bad again. I’m sure I could have managed at least 32# with my body, but my brain was balking. It didn’t even want 27#. I was happy just to be back at the box. I wasn’t trying to do anything more than see if I could actually work out without re-injuring myself. So I stayed light. I can’t do a rope climb so I laid on the ground next to the rope and hauled my fat ass up and down three times for each climb.

I said I would do three rounds before we even started. What I could have done was go 6 and 3 for four rounds and it would have been the same number of reps, but I think of that until after I got home. I only walked the sprints. On the last round, I thought I might actually run in and cut a few seconds off my time, but as I took a couple running steps, I thought to myself, “Fuck this shit” and just walked. So I did the 8 and 4 which was 12 for three rounds and got done in 14.27.

I was dripping wet and content with my workout. I worked hard. My arm felt like it might be okay. Over the weekend I also purchased rubber bands for my hair guaranteed to hold all day and it almost lasted the entire workout without slipping. I did a few more of those arms stretches at the box. After breakfast and shower, I iced my arm again here. So far, I think I’m safe. Regardless, it felt really good to get back in the box and push myself. My hands are burning even though I wore gloves so I feel like a jock.

 

Time to quit yet?

I realize I am not the normal CrossFitter which is both awesome and sad. It means I’m doing something most people like me (whatever that may be) don’t do. I know I’m older than anyone else at my box, but I’m not the oldest person in the world doing CrossFit. I also know I sat around too long doing nothing and I’m not robust or even working up to being actually fit.

I also know that CrossFit is scalable. Everybody could do CrossFit if they wanted to. It is that niggling matter of wanting to do this that is what makes me proudest. I keep going even when my box isn’t geared to taking care of clients like me.

As far as I know, there aren’t a lot of folks from the box heading out to garage games or making nationals or doing anything other than showing up and working hard. We aren’t cranking out champions here. I’ve heard the word “outlaw” bandied about. I think it is wonderful to challenge your people with workouts that make them push themselves and make them grow in all ten areas of fitness.

I also think it is reasonable to assume that I’m not the only person who struggles with the proscribed WODs. There aren’t Rx things posted after all the names, so I’m not the only person scaling. I could probably have figured out how to do today’s WOD on my own, but for some reason known only to the gods, we started doing partner WODs on Fridays. This means I’m saddled with someone with who is pushing at a whole different level than I am. And they are saddled with me holding them back.

This might be fun if it took into consideration that I’m not fit or agile or capable of many of the different things that those who are younger and have been doing this for longer can do. However, there are times when I’m simply overwhelmed by the entire prospect of even showing up.

This doesn’t “encourage” me to “try harder” it only makes me think I should just stop and go back to fat slob and sit here and not feel guilty about not being able to do what younger, fitter, healthier, more athletic people can accomplish. It is defeating.

The WOD as written:
Partner Bear Complex!
- A Bear Complex is 7 times through this complex:
Clean + Front Squat + Push Press + Back Squat + Push Press
(The bar cannot be dropped during the entirety of the complex, or else it does not count.)
- You will have 15 minutes to find a max Bear Complex. Both Partners must complete the Complex.
Immediately when the clock hits 15 minutes:
7 Rounds for Time:
10 Deadlifts 315/209#
15 Box Jumps 30/24″
- While one partner is working, the other partner must hold a Handstand. If they come out of the handstand, the person working must stop until the other is back into a handstand.
- Each team can use only one barbell. If one partner requires a different weight, the team must change the weight before continuing.

Doesn’t this look challenging? I can’t do 35 lifting moves without stopping even with the lightest bar. So after 15 minutes of working hard, immediately lift 100 pounds more than I have ever lifted or stand on my hands while someone else does. Then do box jumps on a 24″ box, another feat I’ve never even tried.

Okay, I know I could drop the deadlift weights and drop the height of the box. I also know you just have one person doing all the deadlifts if you don’t both use the same weight. Now, what about the fact that I have never been able to do a handstand. I have been able to walk up the wall and get to a 120⁰ angle or so, but I can’t get upright. And I can’t hold it for very long even when I don’t have a sore arm.

This is the first time I have ever looked at a WOD and just stayed home because it was overwhelming. I know I didn’t go to the box yesterday but that was because I was hurt. I did get a massage and my arm is about 80% better.

I also made up my own little workout yesterday. I did a 200 meter run, ten squats, ten cherry pickers, lunged back and forth in my living room and entry way which was about equal to lunge down the mat, did ten of the stretches for my sore arm, and ten dislocates. My stick wasn’t long enough to clear my head for the passthroughs. Then I did a horrid tabata with sit-ups and Supermans. My score was 6 and 9 and I managed to do the same numbers all eight times. I never did anything to put pressure on my sore arm.

I hate that my box is defeating me by assuming we are all on the same level of fitness when the entire premise behind CrossFit is that we aren’t all on the same level and it is all scalable and everyone can do this. Maybe I’m defeating myself and I should have just showed up and made them think of a way to make this work for me. Or maybe I should just hang it up and realize this place isn’t really for me. It is for athletes and not Little Old Ladies.

 

Playing hooky

Monday’s WOD did something to my right arm. I came home and had trouble lifting the gallon of milk. I don’t even really know what it was, but I’m guessing something with the wall balls because I really can’t see how jumping rope would hurt my arm.

Tuesday was worse. I almost cried when I picked up the milk. My arm didn’t hurt DURING the workout, but I was so focused on tire flips with a burpee and trying to do band assisted pull-ups, that I may not have noticed if I actually had burst into flames.

When I got into the car and tried to put it into gear, I knew I was in trouble. After I had to use two shaky hands to put milk in my coffee, I realized I needed input from someone who knew more about this than I did. I stopped at the box on the way to work and asked Kim what to do to stretch my biceps. I couldn’t figure out how to work this out on my own. She had a couple stretches.

I have been doing those and my arm is marginally better. I took Wednesday off because I always do. I have a massage today after work. My plan was to look at the WOD for today and try to make an informed decision on whether or not to go to the box.

The WOD as written:
Spend 20 minutes working on maintaining a Hollow body in multiple positions – Handstands, Dip Supports, Hanging from Pull up bar, etc.
- (I’d spend a little extra time working on a stable handstand position. You just might need it tomorrow….)
Tabata Russian Twists
- 20/14# Med Ball. Must touch the ground on either side each rep
- 1 minute Rest
Tabata Kettlebell Swings 24/16 kg.

This is in an entire day of working with my arms. Everything listed in the WOD is arms. Everyone knows I hate tabatas. I really didn’t want to be a weenie and be accused of skipping out because this is a tabata day. So I set my alarm and thought I would see how the arm is and maybe head to the box.

I got up when the alarm went off. I immediately got out of bed and did a push-up without any problem. So I thought I might be able to get the day in. Then in dawned on me that the part of my arm that hurts isn’t really

Well, I didn’t.

affected by a push-up it. So I went to the kitchen and tried to pick up what is now only a bit more than a half-gallon of milk. That hurt.

Even a ten pound med ball was going to be aggravating the part of my arm that has been hurting since Monday. This would probably be really stupid. KB swings was not going to be something of disinterest to my sore arm either.

If this had been push-ups I might have tried it (and regretted it) or if it had been Supermans I would surely have given it a go. But this is just all arms where my arm hurts.

Apparently tomorrow is going to be handstands, and if my arm is functional after my massage tonight, I will give it a go. I like being a jock, but I don’t have to be a dumb one.

Either that, or I’m sticking with the “Discretion is the better part of valor” thing. I hate missing a day, but I hate missing more days later because I was stupid now.