Before A.C. Moore went out of business, I purchased two beautiful journaling books. On January 12 of this year, I started using one of them simply as a journal. Mostly what I did was whine. And then whine some more. My life is normal. I don’t get to do all the fun things that FOMO makes one believe everyone else is doing. That was before a pandemic, so with a pandemic and watching people ignore the safety regulations and do the things made my life seem even more pitiful.
My life isn’t really pitiful. I live comfortably. I have enough financial stability to be able to purchase the things I need and even just the things I desire. I have enough physical wherewithal to be able to continue with my normal daily activities. I have family scattered across the country and friends from more than half a century ago. I’m extremely lucky.
And yet I spend much of my time whining. I don’t do anything about the reasons for my whining, I just whine. And make myself miserable in my whining and then whine about that, too.
So beginning on February 12, I started writing in my journal on a more or less daily basis, a simple one page list. I started to record “Things That Went Well Today” and then realized I’m so freaking lazy, that was too much to write, so went to TTWWT.
Each day, I write down three things. And focusing on three things that went well each day made me whine less. Most of the time. Some days it was really difficult for me to come up with three things that went well. Not because it was a bad day, but because I had done jack shit all day long. But I would struggle to find something to put on my list.
We used to do this at dinner each night when the boys were growing up. You HAD to have the best thing that happened to you each day and you were ALLOWED to share the worst thing, if there was one. We started this tradition because Craig was miserable in his new school without all his old friends. He cried, “Nothing good happened today!” So I asked if he wet his pants on the bus and he looked at me as if I had just grown a second head and said, “No.” So I pointed out that not wetting your pants while riding the bus was a good thing, so he could count that.
It wasn’t too long before he was able to find something good in each day. Friends who would dine with us loved playing the game as well. Each person at the table got to share their day and all the other people had to listen. It made dinner conversation better for everyone as well as giving support to those who did really have a bad day and make all of us search for the good in our day to day lives.
Yesterday, I finished my journal. I wrote on the last page. I started to feel a little bit whiny when I thought about all the days when I had to repeat myself. I love clean sheets. I wash the sheets every Thursday and many of my Thursday postings had as an item “I love clean sheets” because I love clean sheets.
Because of COVID, Sistercation didn’t happen this past summer. We couldn’t fly so we Zoomed. And we have been Zooming ever since. My sisters and I have met at least twice a week for hours on end. This is the most time we have had together since we were kids living in the same house. But this is even more fun than that. And so, on many days, one of my items was Sistercation.
My life is wrapped in routine. I love routine. I love having things planned in advance. It lets me feel like I might be in control. This was especially true when the world was spinning out of control and people my age were dropping over dead from a teeny tiny virus.
I wondered to myself if this was something I wanted to keep up. I have that second journal purchased. Do I feel better noting that things really aren’t all that bad? Or do I feel worse because my life is not a whirlwind of excitement?
There were some very special days in the last year. Dax was born. That was just totally awesome. Aiden turned 18 and is now officially if not really an adult. Everyone in my family has managed to remain COVID free or had just a light case. Both of my sons have been able to continue working. Our retirement is going along well and even though we didn’t get to Italy or Germany, we did get to take an isolated trip to the mountains.
My life is not as exciting as the excerpts from Facebook. My life isn’t Instagram perfect. My life is normal, comfortable, and routine which is much better than chaotic and spinning out of control.
I started the second journal.
