We were away for three days and I missed a workout. To replace it. We walked on a path that was .83 miles out and so that far back and we then went to swim laps and I did a half mile there. Otherwise, we mostly ate a lot. Story of my life.

We were visiting a 55 and older community to see if we could like it and they had several fitness areas and I kept looking for free weights. There were dumbbells but no bars and plates. One little old lady I spoke with asked me what I wanted them for and I told her I lifted. She was very worried about my health and told me I would hurt myself and was especially concerned about my knees. So I squatted for her to show her my knees were fine. And she skeptically asked if I did that and I said I did, but with 100# on my back. She scowled at me and said, “You should sew or knit.” I said, “I do.” She did not know what to do with me.

I got to the box this morning and it was Kat and me with Kim coaching. We went out on a run while the private class before us finished up. We came back and they were still not done so we gave ourselves something else to do. By then Kim was ready to work with us and the other folks were leaving.

We warmed up and then got ready for the day.

Today’s WOD as written:
Strength:
OHS 5-4-3-4-5
Work to heavy, but do not compromise form. Reduce weight as reps increase if form is compromised.
WOD:
6 min AMRAP

9 Deadlifts (155/103)
7 power cleans
5 ring dips
Core Work:
1 min plank
1 min bicycle
1 min flutter kicks
30 ab mat sit ups

My goal for the overhead squats was 27, 32, 37 but it didn’t work out that way. I did 27 okay, but the 32 was bad and I nearly dropped the last rep on my head. But I gamely tried the 37 because I know I can do that, but today, I couldn’t. So I didn’t and managed another 3 at 32 and backed down to 27 and 22 and finished them out.

I wasn’t sure what to do about the WOD. I wanted to do 53# but the 7 cleans were going to really slow me down. I would have to halve them and then it would suck up all my time sitting. Kim said to do 7-5-3 for the reps and see how that worked. I did the ring dips from a box to help with time, too.

I had a heart rate of just over 100 before we began and so did the whole first round without stopping and only had a heart rate of 160 after the whole thing. But then I did some box breathing to get it low enough to get the deadlifts done.

I did that and had to wait get it down to do the cleans. I managed all five but the fifth one was only because it was one more. Then I had to box breathe and then do the dips and then just rest a little to get the next deadlifts. If I could get my heart rate down to 145, I could get the cleans done but it is so hard to be patient and box breathe when time is ticking away. I got the cleans done with the last one being a challenge again. I did the dips.

There wasn’t much time left. I got my heart rate down to 150 and managed the deadlifts. There was only five seconds on the clock. My heart rate was high, but I could rest when I was done. So I got two more cleans in before time was called for a score of 3+9.

We got stuff put away and then were ready for that core work stuff. I held a plank for 45 seconds which is longer than I can normally manage. I did bicycle crap in one spurt, rest, and go again. I tried flutter kicks and it hurts my back because I really don’t have much core strength at all. I know this. It is part of being an old fart. Then I did the 30 seconds of sit-ups and could RX that whole thing.

It was disappointing to not my make my goal weights on the overhead squats but it was gratifying to be able to do the weight I wanted for the WOD. Win some; lose some.

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Yesterday was quiet and I managed to get quite a bit of writing done. I figured out how to thwart my touchpad by finally finding something to put over it that didn’t get in my way and yet made the thing stop moving my cursor around every time I grazed it. I even had it set on the slowest reaction time and it wasn’t enough. But my low tech solution worked and so I was happy(ish).

While messing around this morning and looking for some way to actually turn it off, I found a page with some Windows 10 keyboard shortcuts. I love keyboard shortcuts and there were a couple there that I hope I can remember to use because they were pretty cool.

The Windows icon + x brings up a cute little menu and I found a different path that led me to the old style control panel I was used to. I choose mouse, and there was an extra page than what I had been accessing and on that page for the touchpad, was a place to select to turn it off if there was another mouse plugged into the computer. It worked. I nearly wept with joy.

And then it was time to get to the box, so I fed myself and suited up and took off. It was just me again only Chris was coaching. I feel so sorry for him when it is just me there. I feel even sorrier if no one shows up and he made the trip for nothing. I actually feel sorry for any coach who has to have just me as a class.

I warmed up as instructed and asked about the ratcheting sound/feel to my right hip with just a pendulum move, side to side. There is no pain involved and it is only noticeable because of the click-click-click noise inside. I don’t think it is audible to anyone else. But he said as long as it doesn’t hurt, I’m okay. Which is what I figured, but what the hell.

Today’s WOD as written:
Strength:

5-3-1
OHS
WOD: 3 RFT
10 slamballs (40/25)
10 Box jumps
10 ring dips
30 sec rest

I simply suck at overhead squats. They are difficult to do. However, my air squats are getting better and I’m feeling a little more stable as I move around. I know this should have happened 2.75 years ago, but I’m old. I simply finally feel like I’m not going to drop the bar on my head.

But I’m not really brave. I had three step-ups and I figured I could start at 22# and go to 27# which is what I believe was my one rep max. So upping to 32# would be really cool. But I felt more stable than normal and I asked if Chris cared if I worked to a higher weight. He didn’t care. I did the 37# and managed it without problems. Chris said it looked good and that I should be able to go higher.

We used to work out together. He was back squatting a couple hundred pounds and I was doing 22# and hoping against hope to get weights on my weight and be able to do a 27# back squat before I turned 60. I did, but as I was loading the real size, big plates onto a bar for an overhead squat, I couldn’t help but be slightly amazed at myself. I know it isn’t much weight, but it is more than I could back squat.

I looked at the bar and was scared half to death, but I snatched it up in a power snatch, took a deep breath, and dropped. And got back up. I did not go any lower than parallel, but I got to parallel and I got me, my fat ass, and the 42# bar back up. Amazing. For me.

The rounds were a little bit of an issue. I had questions for Kim, but Chris was there so I asked him instead. There is an eight pound ball over with the slam balls. It is not a slam ball and it bounced more. I have no idea what it was for. But I asked about using it. I could do more reps with that than with the same size slam ball a 25 year old was using.

I tried it. I lean forward a bit with a squat, no matter what and when trying to catch a bouncing ball, I lean a bit more. The ball hit the ground with force because – well, I was doing a slam ball. And it bounced back up with force because it wasn’t a slam ball. It smacked me right in the chin. My jaw slammed up into my skull. I saw stars. I wanted to cry. There was no blood. Big girls don’t cry (there was a song about that). It hurt. I got my cold wash cloth and put it on my chin.

Then I nonchalantly, but with a quavering voice just this side of tears, asked about other stuff. I knew I wasn’t using that damn thing for a WOD. So, I was thinking I would really cut back the reps on the slam balls and just do 4.

But with the box jumps – really do jumps to the 12” box or do step-ups to the 20” box? Chris said he thought it was a better workout with the 20” box and step-ups. He then asked what I did for ring dips. I said I used a band. He was incredulous. He looked at me and I had to admit it was a blue band, if I was doing that many reps, but I could do them. He was impressed with the old fart. We both knew the 30 second rest was just going to happen no matter what and more often than stated.

So I put my washcloth back in the fridge and was ready. I had the trusty 25# slam ball there and did four. I did 8 step-ups, alternating feet, then I had to rest to get my heart rate down and then I did the 8 ring dips and the rings were swinging way too much. I rested until my heart rate was down and I have no idea how many seconds that was.

I did four slam balls, rested, did 8 step-ups with right leg leading, rested, did 8 ring dips and did better controlling the swing, rested. One more to go. Four slam balls, rested, 8 step-ups with left leg leading, rested, got to the ring dips and sorta fell apart. My hands were so sweaty and slippery, I kept losing my grip on the rings and the band. I did five, did one more and my hand nearly came of the ring, reset, and did the last two. I finished in 7.16.

My time was pretty much right in the middle of the pack, so I know I scaled it right.

I’m pretty sure I’m going to have a bruise on my face. Lovely. What hurts the most right now is my left ear. I assume that is from jamming my mandible into my skull. It isn’t bad, it is annoying. What a jock!

I have had this picture for a long time, but wouldn't use it because I couldn't do full sized plates.

I have had this picture for a long time, but wouldn’t use it because I couldn’t do full sized plates.

I met Cindy for the yoga class at CrossFit Summerville on Saturday morning. I’m the klutz in the class and can’t manage most of the work. It is amazing to me to watch other people manage to twist themselves up like that. I used both a block and a PVC pipe for balance on some pose that has a name, but I have no idea what it is. I just know I was trying to fall over even with extra support.

The most important thing I learned came at the end of class. Karen had put lavender scented wet washcloths in the refrigerator and passed them out at the end of class so we could cool down. It was heavenly.

We went to a party on Saturday afternoon and I ate way too much great food that might not be considered healthy. We had five different desserts to pick from and I picked all. That’s just the way I roll and now rolling is appropriate since I’m rounder. Again.

Yesterday we went coffee mug shopping. I need something to keep my coffee warm while I drink slowly. Both of our thermal cups were falling apart. We looked and found what we thought would work. It does if I just cut off my nose or smash it into the top of the cup. Neither of these are as pleasant as they sound.

This week at the box is retest week to see how much we have progressed in eight weeks of doing Wendler. I assumed I would progress zero because I’m so old that eight weeks is something like one-quarter of one percent of my lifetime and that is just a blink of an eye.

We had a visitor from Texas today. Kat was still out. Betsy was coaching. And then there was me. Pitiful me. Betsy was going to start with a run and then realized that I wasn’t up to showing the visitor where a real turn around place was because I cheat and don’t go that far. We rowed.

We did a bunch of other stuff and then were declared warm enough to get on with our day.

Today’s WOD as written:
Baseline Testing Week

Determine a 1RM Press – maintain proper, strict form.

Determine a ME Ring Dips – proper strict form. Carefully note any scaling for comparison.

Determine a ME Pull Ups – hollow body & strict form. note scaling for comparison.

Determine a ME Tabata Air Squat – record the lowest number of reps in any of the rounds and total reps.

Post your scores and any PR’s with a previous record for comparison.

I looked back and actually read what I had written for the first week. I was disgusted at the time and just wrote it in a word document and didn’t post stuff online because I was considering just quitting the whole thing, taking my marbles, and going home. I’m so sick of being weenie. I still am, but I’m not quite ready to quit yet.

But when I read the original thing I typed up, I found that I did not get a 54# strict press. I tried twice and failed. My one rep max for this was 52# and I figured all my numbers on 54#, not that it really matters. But today, I again tried at 54# – twice – and failed twice. I got the 52# up but that was it.

I had to go back and really read to see what that other stuff was. I did the ring dips with a blue band and got to 15. Today, I got to 10 and then 13 but couldn’t make my old number. Part of the reason was I was wearing a golf skirt and the damn skirt part kept catching on my thumb as I gripped the ring. A better outfit would have been good. Probably not enough to really matter.

Then the damn pull-ups. I used a green band. The first time I got 7. Today I got 9. We have been doing an awful lot of pull-ups. An awful lot.

The Tabata air squats were done last time with 8 each round and on the last round I did more for a total of 69. Today, I did 9 on each round for a total of 72 and I was making moaning noises like DeWayne as I finished. He had already come in for open gym and he approved.

The other thing I purchased while coffee mug shopping was a pack of white washcloths. I had a wet cloth (no lavender scent included) in a plastic bag and put it in the refrigerator before class began. At the end of class, it was nice and cold and I dabbed at my sweating face, my neck, cooled my arms and legs and generally enjoyed the bliss of coolness. Brilliant.

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Our weekend was delightful. I decided I have another life challenge to meet. I don’t drink enough water. So, I have decided that to get my afternoon coffee, I have to have done my mobilization and had one full water bottle of water. Then I can have coffee. It worked on Saturday. On Sunday, we went to a party at the other grandma’s house for Mother’s Day and I didn’t do anything I was supposed to do. I napped in the car and as soon as we got home, I made my coffee and barely got through the rest of the evening.

I decided this morning that my gym bag is much more bag than I need. I don’t carry that much stuff to the box and back. I need my gloves and my extra higher shoe. I have a knee brace and wrist straps, just in case. That’s it. I carry my phone and my wallet. I store my keys while there. I tried a regular sized backpack and even that was too big.

I packed up an old purse/backpack thing and everything fit. I even got my small towel in there without a problem along with some tape for when the bar rubs my hands too much. It all worked and off I went to the gym. It was 71 ⁰F already when I left the house. I remember complaining about how cold it was and how I needed mittens. Life goes on.

It was me and Kat today. We began with a 400 meter run and I did 300 because what the heck. I don’t do 400 but I can do more than 200. We did some other stuff and got ready for the day’s work. And of course, I had issues. I did the math with the help of Google last night. If I add 5# to my one rep max and then take 90% of that number to figure my lifts, I’m almost at my one rep max. My max was 52 and the 90% of 57 is 51. That’s just not what was intended, in my opinion. Last week I upped my weights some, but not all the way.

Today’s WOD as written:
Week 5/8
Thus begins the second week of the second cycle. Do NOT add more weight than prescribed. The goal is to make slow incremental progress to build strength.
Warm up your entire body thoroughly
percentages based off 90% of your 1RM
(always choose a lighter weight when unsure)
rest 3-5 minutes between sets
perform as many reps as possible on the last (+ set)
Press –
3 @ 70%
3 @ 80%
3+ @ 90%
Post entire workout – 3 @ 70# / 3 @ 80# / 6 @ 90#
then
AMRAP in 10 minutes:
10 ring dips
1 clean & jerk double (heavy)
10 pull ups
1 clean & jerk double (heavy)
Scale the ring dips and pull ups to a number or a band that allows you to complete the reps in one unbroken set for each movement. Choose a weight challenging enough to make you stop and think about your entire lift (set up, form, power) before you jump on the bar. It should not be a touch and go lift. It should be too heavy for that. 90% plus of your 1RM. Focus on high speed reps for the gymnastics movements and quickly changing focus to heavy lifting while fatigued.

Last week, I got 42# up, but not the 5 times. Today was only 3 lifts which I made with the 42# last week. I wanted to know if I should stick at the same weight and see if I could get 4 or go higher. We decided I would stay at the same weights and see. I did 33, 37, and 42#. I got 3, 3, and 4 so I hit my target. I tried 5 and couldn’t push it up. I worked to failure.

And then … more issues. First of all, I wanted to know what in the hell a clean and jerk double was. I looked it up and couldn’t find anything. It is two clean and jerks with a touch and go.

Then I was supposed to try and lift while fatigued. This is not my strong suit. In fact, it’s not even my weak suit. I don’t do much at all except pant when I’m fatigued. So I asked what the goal was. Then I asked about weight. I want to try stuff with heavier weights, but then I have to deal with the whole heart rate thing that just gets out of control. What to do?

My one rep max is 62# for a clean and jerk. I usually use a 42# bar for this type of stuff, but I was fairly certain I could be a big girl and use 53#. But I didn’t know about doing two at a higher weight while being fatigued. I could have gotten to 53, but I actually got lazy (who knew?) and practiced with the 42# bar and then just added ten pounds so my bar was 52# for the clean and jerk.

My goal was to get the ring dips and then a single clean and jerk, rest, get the pull-ups and the single clean and jerk and rest for one round. I did exactly half and called it Legend level. Five ring dips, one clean and jerk, rest, five pull-ups, one clean and jerk, rest.

And when I went to get my gloves for the pull-ups, I found that I did not get them put into this new bag. I had to do pull-ups with my bare hands. Luckily there was only five at a time and so I managed without weeping.

As I got to the second clean and jerk in the second round, I had sweat dripping into my face and was steaming hot. I ripped off my shirt. This is one of the perks of being old. No one cares what I look like. I’m not supposed to be anything except old. It is somewhat freeing. It wasn’t that much cooler without my shirt, but somewhat better.

I have a policy about lifting any weight over my head when my heart rate is over 170. However, I had to break it today. There were only seconds left. I needed one more clean and jerk to get 4 rounds done. I wanted that, so throwing caution to the winds, I also threw the bar overhead. I managed to control it and get it back on the ground with 4 seconds left. I was hoping for 3 rounds and so surpassed my goal on this one.

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We had an internet outage on Saturday. Someone working overnight dug into all manner of infrastructure, including our internet cable. The television worked, the internet and phones did not. We were without access for about 17 hours. During this time, we had to fend for ourselves. We went to the Farmers Market in the morning.

By about 2 PM we decided to walk up to where all the major trucks were working to see if there was some hope of restoring service. I knew I was not wearing good walking shoes, but shoes that I wear frequently. The walk was about 2.5 miles. My shoes lasted for about 1.7 miles and then for the last .8 miles I was in trouble. I was getting blisters so I took off socks to see if it would help. It didn’t. I walked barefoot. The sidewalk was hot and eventually the soles of me feet were ouchie. But I wasn’t home yet. I stepped on something that ripped the curly part of my fourth toe. The “burned” part of me feet has healed up. The torn ragged hole in my toe has not. It still hurts to walk. But lifting isn’t done from the toes.

After 100 push-ups, my neck, shoulders, arms – entire upper body – was stiff and sore. I have managed to take ten minutes to mobilize each day to get my afternoon coffee. I have done some other stretching throughout the day. I was still a little tight going into the box.

I looked at the WOD last night and just got pissed. I understand a Wendler cycle and the need to be a superjock. I also understand math which doesn’t seem to be the epitome of necessary tools for a superjock. So once again, instead of just percentages, which would even the playing field between those same superjocks and the rest of us weenies, there was an added “just” thing that was totally inappropriate.

I did the math. Well, Google did. I just entered the data. If I were to add “just” five pounds to my weights, I would be adding first 16%, then 14%, and then 12% to my numbers. Really? That’s a “just”? I understand that real athletes have higher weights to start and adding just five pounds is really “just” five pounds. But my weights are so low, that it is not “slow incremental progress”. One-sixth of the weight is not a little bit.

If, instead, the numbers began with a higher percentage of the one rep max weight and then figured from that, it would be equitable across all types of athletes. If we were to figure from 95% of one rep max instead of from 90% of one rep max, we would all be going from the same place again. But jocks don’t seem to understand that everyone isn’t at the same level. Rather than overkill for the Little Old Lady, I’m just upping my weights by beginning with a 95% of my one rep max to figure my weights. It is more equitable and more doable.

Today, Kim and Ryan will return from a weekend concert in North Carolina. There was no coach today, but the gym was open for us. Kat and I worked together, deciding on our warm-up and doing enough while compensating for my boo-boo foot.

Today’s WOD as written:
Week 5/8
We are starting the second 5/3/1 cycle this week. For your upper body movements (press/floor press) increase your weights by 5 lbs and for the lower body movements (deadlift/squat) increase your weights by 10 lbs. Do NOT add more weight than prescribed. The goal is to make slow incremental progress to build strength.
Warm up your entire body thoroughly
percentages based off 90% of your 1RM
(always choose a lighter weight when unsure)
rest 3-5 minutes between sets
perform as many reps as possible on the last (+ set)
Press –
5 @ 65%
5 @ 75%
5+ @ 85
Post entire workout – 5 @ 65# / 5 @ 75# / 9 @ 85#
then
Re-Test Week 1 WOD (Are you FASTER than 4 weeks ago?)
5 rounds for time:
10 ring dips
10 pull ups
20 air squats
1 minute rest
scale movements to the point where each set of each movement can be performed unbroken without kipping and maintaining a steady pace.
Post time to complete each round (not including the minute of rest). Try to maintain a 10% +/- average pace. The goal for this WOD is to learn your average pace and reduce the average not blow out one fast round and tank.

The weights I worked with today were 32, 37, and 42# which was 2-3 pounds higher than the first time through.

My goal was to get 7 on the 42# but the lifts were really difficult. I was having putting the 37# up. I don’t really know why because it isn’t that heavy. I got three on the 42# and that was all I could manage.

I looked up what I did last time for this and it was 7/7/15. I used a blue band for the ring dips and both a green and red band for the pull-ups. The likelihood of my bettering my time in four weeks is pretty much nil. I have been struggling with my heart rate for over 2.5 years now and it is still too high too often. But I’m an outlier and I have to remember that while CrossFit is for everyone and it is all scalable, writing WODs is not. My goals have to be my goals. Craig linked to a video with a CT Fletcher screaming about ISYMFS  or “it’s still your mother fucking’ set”. I’m working as hard as I can and doing more than I ever thought I would. That’s good enough.

I woke up at 5.30 this morning and most of the above was written before I even went to the gym. Especially the preceding paragraph. I need to emphasize that. I set up exactly like last time. I used the exact same bands. My old times were 1.31, 2.13. 2.07, 2.26, 2.00.

Today, with the weeks of pull-ups behind me, I had no problem getting the seven done. I was nearly getting chest to bar on the first few rounds. I didn’t need to pause at all between the pull-ups and squats. I did pause each time between the ring dips and the pull-ups and got my heart rate down to 155 before starting the pull-ups. Then I would just deep breathe while I did the squats. My times were 1.21, 1.25, 1.32, 1.31, 1.33. I had no intention of getting any better in just four weeks. In fact, I did – at least on this part. I could be very sad about the push press or I could be very happy about the conditioning. I choose happy.

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Happy 42nd anniversary, Dick. I can’t believe we have been married so long. I remember us being young and with our lives stretched out infinitely in front of us. Now I look back and realize we were pretty damn good. Thank you. For everything.

We went out to brunch yesterday. Not that we meant to; we were going out to lunch but they had a brunch menu and so we had brunch. I tried wearing a very thin sweaterish type jacket this weekend and I found I couldn’t get my arms comfortably in the sleeves any more. My guns are too big. Isn’t that just a hoot? Who would have thought a Little Old Lady would have such a problem.

My legs were feeling better when I got up this morning. I didn’t make pitiful mewling noises when I went to pick up my shoes off the floor. I figured my time at the box was going to be fabulous. Kim wants to crochet some “gladiator booties” for a friend’s baby but she doesn’t know how to crochet. The plan was for me to bring stuff and after class, have a crochet class. Ryan told her to continually complain and keep saying, “I’m too young for this.” I love this place.

We were warmed up after a run and row and bear crawl and stretches and whatever else was in there. Then we began our day.

Today’s WOD as written:
Week 4/8
Warm up your entire body thoroughly
percentages based off 90% of your 1RM
(always choose a lighter weight when unsure)
rest 3-5 minutes between sets
DELOAD WEEK – Do not do more than 5 reps on the last set
Press –
5 @ 40%
5 @ 50%
5 @ 60%
Post entire workout!
then
30 ring dips
15 jumping lunges
30 pull ups
15 jumping lunges
30 hand release push ups
15 jumping lunges
30 ring rows
15 jumping lunges

I was so happy to see this. I love deload week. It is such a relief to have weights that aren’t killing me. I know it is all based off my own one rep max and all, but still. I love deload week. I’m a weenie and I’m lazy and this is perfect.

However, as always, I have issues. I spent some time with a calculator and came up with my numbers. They are pitifully low. In fact, they are so low there isn’t a bar light enough for me to get the 40% figure. I figured I knew what I would do, but I made sure that was a good plan.

My weights were to be 19, 24, and 29 pounds. There is no way to get 19#. I did some warm-ups with just a couple dumbbells but they really aren’t the same. Then I used the 22# bar for the first five and could actually make the other weights just perfect. I did those without whining at all!

I looked at the morning times. I figured that was a lot of reps. Gabe was done in 6 something and a couple people took over 13 minutes. I knew I would be closer to those people. I also knew that I was scaling this. At first I thought 20 and 10 and then I thought that was too weenie. I didn’t need to cut back that much. I could do more. So I went with 80% or 24 and 12. It was still a lot, but I thought I might be able to get three sets of 8 pull-ups which was going to be my Waterloo.

I used a 1” band on the ring dips. I used a 2” band for pull-ups. I did push-ups from a raised bar on the rack. I also did just walking lunges.

I managed 14 ring dips before I had to stop. I did box breathing and got 8 done before my knee in the band started yelling at me. I tried switching knees and nearly killed myself and couldn’t even get the last two done like that. Before I actually injured myself, I went back to my left knee in the band and finished.

Then I panted like a lizard on a hot rock. I got my heart rate down and did the lunges and then had to sit and get my heart rate back down.

I managed 8 pull-ups and my heart rate was 173. I could get my heart rate back down to mid 140s and go again. After 8 more my heart rate was 174. I couldn’t get my heart rate to drop farther than 150. I gave up and managed five. Stood there and panted and got two. Stood there and panted and finished that last one which may or may not have been a no rep but I counted it. My heart rate was 178. This was the only part of the day that hurt my bad arm and even that wasn’t very bad. I’m still not knitting at all.

I got it down and did the lunges. Then I managed 21 push-ups (which means I maybe should lower the bar a bit more) and had to pause slightly before getting the last 3. Then I got my heart rate down and did lunges.

I had to rest and when I was ready, I got 18 ring rows before I had to stop. I just sat on the ground under the rings and panted then managed to finish them off. My heart rate was too high and I had to rest but I was almost done so when it got down to 159, I figured what the heck and did the lunges. I finished in 14.30 and I felt absolutely awful.

I couldn’t tell if I was going to pass out, puke, or shit my pants. I didn’t really want to do any of them. It took me a few minutes of just sitting for the room to stop spinning and then the whole alimentary canal thing cleared up. I could teach crochet.

I went to the bathroom and washed my hands. I filled my contact case with solution. I put my glasses on and couldn’t see anything. I still had severe WOD brain. It took a few seconds for me to figure out that I had forgotten to take my contacts out so I took off my glasses and did so. When I put my glasses back on – presto – I could see clearly even up close and so we began our crochet lesson.

By time we were done with that, I was feeling human again and knew that I was going to be fine. I enjoyed the whole day. I love deload time. The conditioning portion was tough but doable. Not bad for an old fart.

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I have been lovingly counseled that most women my age can’t do this shit. I’m not a loser and posting the worst score to the board every day proves that. Losers don’t even show up. No one even looks at the board, I’ve been told so I guess I’m the only person who walks in and immediately looks to see what earlier classes did with the WOD.

I thought that was part of the idea of posting to the white board. You can’t workout with your buddy, but you can still have a friendly competition by seeing who had the better score even in two different classes. There is nothing on the board that says “in a class by herself” or “the only really old fart here” or anything. There is just the worst score of the day next to my name. Always.

Craig is going to be working with somebody developing a masters program and since you young’uns don’t want to compete with the 20 year olds, masters begins at 35. Since masters starts so young, something had to be done about the old farts who used to be masters and now have no designation. So a new designation is in the works. Legends. I’m going to be a legend in my own time. I guess this is like Starbucks coffee sizes.

Anyway, Kat and I were there today with Kim coaching. We warmed up and got to work with our first week of becoming super better and fierce and mighty and all that.

Today’s WOD as written:
Week One

Warm up your entire body thoroughly
percentages based off 90% of your 1RM
(always choose a lighter weight when unsure)
rest 3-5 minutes between sets
perform as many reps as possible on the last (5+ set)
Press –
5 @ 65%
5 @ 75%
5+ @ 85
Post entire workout – 5 @ 65# / 5 @ 75# / 9 @ 85#
then
5 rounds for time:
10 ring dips
10 pull ups
20 air squats
1 minute rest
scale movements to the point where each set of each movement can be performed unbroken without kipping and maintaining a steady pace.
Post time to complete each round (not including the minute of rest). Try to maintain a 10% +/- average pace. The goal for this WOD is to learn your average pace and reduce the average not blow out one fast round and tank.

So I had a lot of math stuff to do last night, but I finally figured out my weights. I was doing just fine with the percentages since they totally leveled the playing field. Gabe’s 85% is just as difficult for him as my 85% is for me. We are each working with what is a pretty heavy weight – at least for us. I was all good with this leveled playing field and feeling pretty good. I work just as hard as the people moving lots more weight. Really.

Then we got to how to write it on the white board and all of a sudden I was back on the short bus. My puny weight would just look puny. Who can’t move such a small weight? Well, me two years ago but who would know that? 85% looks huge; 40# looks miniscule. A freaking water bottle for the office cooler. Big deal.

But I did my weights as close as I could. I could only get 29# instead of the 30 I needed, but I could get 35 and 40# exactly. I did them 5, 5, and got 8. I tried for nine but didn’t make it. Eight was getting a little ugly so I wasn’t distraught over not getting the next one. I worked to failure.

The five RFT was going to be a problem. I was supposed to get all the reps of each move done in one go. But my max pull-ups last week were 7 and so I doubted 10 was in the picture for today.

I ended up with a rep scheme of 7/7/15 and used the same band as last week for the ring dips but added the red band which is either ¾ or 1 inch and I don’t know which to the green 2 inch band for rounds 2-5.

On the first round, I began with a really low heart rate which was still tachycardic but not bad, probably around 115 or so. Subsequent rounds had me starting around 140 to 145. On the first round, I barely had to pause after the ring dips before I could start the pull-ups. Then I just did the squats.

On the rest of the rounds, my heart rate was around 165 each time I finished the ring dips and so I had to sit and box breathe to get down to high 140s before starting the pull-ups. On the second round, I tried just the 2” band and only got 5 so Kim said to add another band to make the scaling possible. For the rest of the pull-ups, I used two bands together and got them done without stopping.

My heart rate was too high after the pull-ups but I was already way past the time I should have been done. So I would take a couple deep breaths and just do the squats and then flop on the ground and try to do some math to figure out my time and when to begin again.

I finished the rounds in 1.31, 2.13, 2.07, 2.26, and 2.00. I have no idea what happened in the 2.26 round. I don’t remember it being any better or worse than any of the others. Apparently I sat and had to get my heart rate down for a longer period of time before I could start the pull-ups. On the last round, I didn’t even pause after the pull-ups because on the last round, all I ever want to do is be done and I figure I can rest when it is over.

I can’t really average that first round in because for me, it is unreasonable to do so. My average time was 2:11.5 so my high score was slightly off of the 10% mark. I don’t really know what this means other than I’m not consistent and my heart rate controls my work. I knew that.

I posted my score to the board with a little “3237 weeks old” note in there. And I just posted my percentage and rep count without the damn puny ass weights. So there.

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