Sooner or later I’m going to have to admit that more than four years of committed, difficult work has paid off and I’m adequate. That’s scary. I might even have to admit that I have passed adequate and moved on toward awesome. I might even have to claim awesome status.

Today’s WOD as written:
Strength
Deadlift
1 X 2 @ 90%
Deadlift
6 X 3 @ 75%
Touch and go reps, 90 -120 seconds rest between sets.

WOD
AMRAP 10 minutes
Bar Facing burpees
Shoulder to overhead 135/95
3-6-9-12-15-18-21……..

My 90% was 148# pounds. I used to dream big and think some day I might be able to get sort of close to my body weight and lift it. That 90% is over my body weight and I not only lifted it up, but controlled it for a touch and go. I can remember the absolute thrill when I got to three digits and managed to lift over 100# and today that’s my normal WOD weight for a deadlift.

I entered the Masters Garage Games a couple years ago. There were only 7 scaled women in my age group throughout the country. So there weren’t many of us brave enough to do that nonsense. I was one of them. The last workout was a 45# shoulder to overhead move and I could maybe get two to three of them at a time and then I had to sit on the floor and box breathe. It was pitiful. It was part of the reason I came in seventh overall for the event. I did take second place on the day since it was just me and Cheryl in our age group.

I asked about weight today and was told the 22# bar with 10# plates should work for me. So I did my modified burpees and then did shoulder to overhead with 42# which is the equipment we have.

I did the 3s without stopping and then did the six burpees. Then I rested and got my heart rate down and did the 6 shoulder to overhead. I then had to rest a bit, but not much, and then got the 9 burpees. I did my box breathing and got my heart rate down and then managed – without setting the bar down, all 9 shoulder to overhead. I couldn’t manage more than three at the Masters Garage Games and today I did 9. That’s a pretty impressive improvement. I did the 12 burpees, rested, had to break the 12 shoulder to overhead into two sets of six, and then I managed to plod through all 15 burpees after I got my heart rate under control. The time ended with me getting 75 reps (30 shoulder to overhead and 45 modified burpees). All that work in 10 minutes.

That’s pretty damn adequate. Inside my head is still the small voice that says they were MODIFIED burpees. Inside my head is a voice that nags and says I probably could have managed either 47 or maybe even 53# on the shoulder to overhead. Inside my head is the critic that always says I could/should have done more or better. Perhaps I didn’t get that A+ and only got an A or even an A- and surely I could do more or better.

And that voice tries to rob me of any joy I may have achieved and I have to silence it because the thing is, I’m supposed to scale things and that doesn’t make me not awesome. In fact, the people who can just bang this stuff out aren’t any more awesome than me. They may be younger, fitter, stronger, and more athletic, but can they write about it later and then crochet a fancy scarf? Can they be a grandparent? Can they do any of the multitudinous things I also do beside lift some weights? Do they even have a cardiologist?

I might have to realize that all the work I’ve put in has insisted I pay the price and give up the negative self talk. I did good today.

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We are having a little storm here along the East Coast. It’s been raining, she says with wry understatement. But it was the Masters Garage Games at Conviction Training Facility today.

We were supposed to leave around 3 PM yesterday, but the people who were supposed to be done installing the new flooring by noon at the latest were still installing at 3 PM even though they started before they said they would. They didn’t leave until just after 5 PM and then we had all this furniture to put back. I would like to point out that before CrossFit, the furniture would still have been stuck somewhere. But I was strong enough to be able to help move even the heaviest pieces and not scratch the new floor. So there is that.

We got to Hilton Head much later than expected, but we did manage to get there even though for about one-third of the way, I was so nervous I could have cried. I was sure we were going to die at any moment. The rain was intense and blinding and the puddles on the road tried to throw the car into a ditch. Dick did a spectacular job getting us there.

When the Games were first announced this year, I was excited. Then I read the WODs and I was devastated. I’m glad the asshole who designs this crap thinks so highly of 50 and over women. But really, Mr. Asshole, in every other WOD since the beginning of time, women get to use less weight than men. Except for this. Young men, scaled, had a higher weight than old men, scaled. However, young women scaled and old women scaled could move the same weight. And old men and old women could move the same weight. Last year, the move was changed from ground to overhead for us real old farts. This year, it wasn’t.

I did not sign up for the humiliation and defeat therein.

Cheryl did.

Let me say that again. Cheryl did. She was my competition last year and she beat me on every WOD, but just barely on the last one. She and I talked. She is amazing. I said I knew I couldn’t do a 45# snatch. She said she really couldn’t either, but she probably wouldn’t get through the needed 50 wall balls first anyway. That was her stopping point last year and how I managed to give her a run for her money, even with my wonky heart rate shit.

But she tried this year. She was freaking amazing. She did great on the first and last WOD. But the one with the wall balls – she tried and tried. She said she probably took 50 shots. She got a score of 4. And she got back in for the last WOD and kicked ass.

I would love to be a better athlete. I would love to move more weight and not have a heart rate that races so high so quickly. But even more than that, I would love to have the bravery and courage Cheryl demonstrated today. She was freaking awesome. She was wonderfully awesome. She is my hero.

I did not have the courage or fortitude or bravery or even simple chutzpah to get out there and embarrass myself in front of a room full of people. I’m always last. I was last, last year. And I don’t just mean at Conviction Training Facility, I mean across the entire board. My pride was hurt. I used to be a winner and I never win at CrossFit.

And Craig “yelled” at me about that last night. There is no way not to win at CrossFit. Having the courage to take the risk made Cheryl a winner. And my hero. If only I could be like her. She was simply wonderful.

Since I was the scorekeeper instead of the participant, I could keep an eye on the weather. It wasn’t that bad in Hilton Head, but it was horrible, or at least worse, up here at home. They were predicting enough rain to call for a curfew because they wouldn’t be able to rescue all the idiots who got caught in predicaments due to the weather.

Dick and I discussed it and we left early. Even if I had been a participant, I would have been done with my stuff, but I didn’t get to see DeWayne’s third WOD – he took first place for all three WODs. He is awesome, too.

The navigation will tell us of issues on the road. It warned us of an accident on 95 and we didn’t want to go that way anyway. As we drove, it warned us that 165 was flooded and took us a different way. We were just ten minutes from home when the road was blocked. It hadn’t warned us, but Dorchester Road was also flooded and we had to backtrack and take an extra twenty minutes to get home. This is better than not making it at all, so I will try to not complain too much.

We are home safe. I got to see a bunch of amazing people working today. It was great.

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I have been so scared. I have been so unsure of this decision. I have second guessed myself repeatedly. I have wondered if I was nuts. The one thing I didn’t do was think I was going to have fun.

There was one other lady over the age of 60. She did better than me, so I took second place. I have a medal. I earned a medal because I showed up even though I was scared and unsure and I completed my workouts to the best of my ability. Mostly, I didn’t die – which to me was very important.

I was given the task of doing the workouts out of order. I was inside first and doing WOD #2

10 min AMRAP
3,6,9,12,15 etc
bar over burpees
shoulder to overhead 45#

I had a score of 57. That means I got through the 3, 5, 9 and got the 12 burpees and then got 5 shoulder to overhead. The most I ever got was starting the 12 burpees but couldn’t finish them let alone get to the shoulder to overhead. My heart rate was high, and I had to keep resting to get it back down. But I never stopped – I only rested. Way too much, but without quitting.

Less than an hour later, it was time to do the first WOD. That was outside and the weather was beautiful. It poured last night and I was worried this would be in the rain. It wasn’t. Thank goodness.

18-12-6
deadlifts 65#
step-ups 20” box.

My best time on this when I wasn’t participating or competing was 6.02. Today, I finished in 4.12. The expected time for this was in the 3 to 4 minute range. If we know anything, we know that I’m always way over the expected time. I had a plan on when to rest and when to push on this and I worked it. Resting more often for less time worked. That is quite a time difference and I’m very happy with this.

Then there was a three hour break. In that time, the friends we are vacationing with made it to the island. They had a chance to watch me do this and I was more worried about that than anything else. By this time, I was having too much fun to really worry about it. The other woman and I had been hanging out and Cheryl was an amazing woman. She has been CrossFitting for 2.5 years and in that time has lost 100 pounds. She was such an inspiring woman and we were having so much fun not dying that we forgot anything else. Her time and rep count on the first two WODs meant that she was going to win. She thought she might try double unders and I advised against it. I told her that if she did, I might win the third WOD. She did single unders.

15 min AMRAP
30 jumps, single unders or double unders – athletes choices
20 wall balls 10# to 8’ line
10 clean and jerks 45#

The most I have ever done on this one was barely into the second round. This is the one that I practiced the most for. I have strategized and worked at this. I learned that the wall balls should be 5-5-5-5 and the clean and jerks had to be 2-2-2-2-2 or I would be too wiped out to continue at all. It still took lots of resting and too much time not doing anything. But even with people from the sidelines urging me to “one more rep” I worked my plan. I got a score of 176 or just four clean and jerks shy of three complete rounds. Cheryl’s score was 179 which meant she had just 3 more clean and jerks than me. I asked if she was happy she chose to go with the single unders and she said she was.

DeWayne and Scott both took first place in their age brackets. DeWayne was in the men’s RX ages 50-54 and Scott was men’s scaled ages 40-44. They were awesome to watch. We had our cheering section and I was beyond grateful to both Kim and Ryan for coming down to cheer us on and help us out. It was an awesome day.

And as scared as I was, it is amazing how much fun I had. I would highly recommend this sort of behavior. Stepping outside your comfort zone does indeed make the magic happen.

Me, DeWayne, Scott

Me, DeWayne, Scott

I needed to get laundry done and get my stuff packed. Not only was I packing for the adventure that is the Masters Garage Games, but we are staying in Hilton Head for a week with Dick’s golfing buddies and their wives. I packed food and supplies for the games and I packed some food and supplies for the coming week. I hope I have everything I need. But if I don’t, I can shop.

We left the house shortly before 2.30 and made our way south. It was easier to have much to do this morning and sorting and packing and getting things ready. Sitting in the car for over two hours was much harder. I had the Kindle and tried to play games, but with the sun shining, it is sometimes difficult to see the screen. But with nothing to occupy my mind, I began to worry some more.

I have multitudinous worries, most of them unfounded. I’ve been doing CrossFit for over two years and have gained much in that time. If I could survive the first few months at the box, I can survive tomorrow. I mean, really – I have done all the workouts and know I can manage them. I am no ball of fire and I can’t power through, but I can struggle along, pausing for my heart rate to come back down and then go some more. I know how to do this.

I’m still scared half to death. The people at 6 AM all know me and how little I can do. I have watched people at the I CAN Games and I know how much they can do. Some of the people from there are also old enough to be in the Masters Garage Games and they are amazingly awesome. I’m just old. I’m embarrassed to have anyone actually see me be this bad.

I’ve worked incredibly hard over the last two years and even harder over the last two months. My heart rate still goes too high too fast and too often and it take me too long to get it to come back down. I know all the things I do not do well. I can talk myself into abject fear. I wish I could talk myself back out.

I have so many questions. I have so many doubts. I have so many fears.

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