I often think of myself as a mass of insecurities, fearful and withdrawn. See yesterday’s post as an example.

However, which is the other way to say “but” and that word means all that has gone before is to be refuted …

However, I’m intrepid in many areas of my life. Take writing as a case in point. I have over 4,400 posts on my two main blogs. I have been published in several other venues as well. I don’t carry on about how poorly I do at writing. I’m sure others might point out errors in there, but I’m pretty satisfied with the overall quality/quantity of my writing. And I edit when I find my mistakes later, whenever possible.

I’m pretty sure of my mastery of my nursing skills, too. I know things about medicine and I’m willing to learn new things as more science comes to light. I don’t obsess about that. I have a degree in computer networking, too, and don’t much stress over technical problems. I poke around until I find the answer – again, see yesterday for an example of my willingness to explore.

But give me some other areas and I whine and fret and write about and complain about and go on and on and on.

Where I’m confident, I am quiet and just carry on. Where I’m insecure, I seek support or validation. Maybe I’m not horrible at this or that. Maybe everyone else has the same problem with the issue. Maybe I’m normal.

I think we all want to be either normal or better than average. Most people think they are better than average drivers. I have no idea how that math works, but 75% of people cannot be the top half. But that’s where we want to be.

On days where I’m not able to meet or exceed my own expectations, I’m defeated. Yesterday was that day. On days where I’ve given myself the option to be me with all my glorious weaknesses and splendid strengths, I’m successful.

It isn’t the world who declares me less than I “should” be or want to be. It is me. I’m loud in my need for reassurance that the rest of the world fails some of the time, too. When I’m successful, well, of course I am; I’ve earned it with my badass self.

We are all experimenting with our lives. Trying to find the right mix of celebrating our former weaknesses and overcoming our current ones. We need to understand ourselves and our gloriously messy lives as one road, littered with obstacles making our way interesting and full of chances to improve.

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