Dear advertisers,

I realize you are a necessary evil. The reason the internet is free is because you are willing to pay sites in order to get your message in front of my eyes. So while it is necessary, do you have to be so evil? It is, quite emphatically, counterproductive.

When I’m clicking through the clickbait crap and the page takes forever to load because some irritating as hell movie ad I’m never, ever, ever going to watch has to load first, I simply click off. I know clickbait isn’t really worth the effort alone and when it takes too much times as well, I’m gone. You not only don’t get my eyes on YOUR ad, but you ruin it for all the other multitudinous advertisers who also paid to have their ads in front of my eyes. You should be sought out and other advertisers refuse to participate if you are playing this dumb game. Autoplay is horrible. Always. Stop that.

I will always – that means every single damn time – Skip Ad as soon as that freaking option appears. Always. Every time. All the times it appears. Always. Don’t make such a stupid ad that you don’t even say who are in those first five seconds because after that, we all left. We don’t stick around. Don’t even make ads over five seconds. We don’t care. We only put up with you because we have to. No one cares. Well, you do. But none of us do.

That ads that insist I “watch/listen” while they play for 15 to 30 seconds should realize all I’m getting is “blah, blah, blah” while I think to myself, “I really hate this shit” and if you make me do it often enough, you get brand recognition. I will never, ever, ever, ever in my whole life do anything with Schwab because I hate, despise, loathe your forced make me watch this shit ad campaign over and over and over and over and over. I’m not sure that’s the recognition you want, but that’s what you have purchased.

I play a lot of “free” apps which means “shit ton of advertising” and I realize that. I will never, ever, ever, ever click through on a movie ad (unless I miss the back key). All I do is hit the back button repeatedly until I can get back to my game. I’m so busy looking at the back button and making sure I don’t mistakenly click on a link – which opens in the same window so that even if I did want to download your game/app, I would have to wait for that entire process before I could get back to playing the game I was entertaining myself with before I missed the back button. This is ridiculously stupid. Your are looking for the very easy coding option of opening in a new window.

Now for the advertising that works. A quick picture with your game. Honestly, Stupid Garden Game, I got it. You were the very favoritest game of 2016 and I downloaded and deleted you long ago. You don’t have to annoy me with the movie. I see you and am grateful for the static ad which lets me remember I didn’t like your game. I actually do sometimes click through on those static game ads, but I have found that they, too, open in the same window and I can’t download in the background while I continue to play the game I’m playing now. That’s really stupid and I’ve cancelled a lot of downloads for this very reason.

Advertising is necessary. I would like every person creating an ad to think before presenting it. Would you actually stop what you are doing and raptly look at that crap? Would you wait and wait for a page to load, not even knowing what shit was going to show up, just so you could find out the clickbait wasn’t really anything?

Just as a side note, for web developers, if you make slide lists and make them load one at a time. I don’t read your stuff. I. Don’t. Wait. For. The. Ads. To. Load. Just. To. See. One. Picture. Ever.

I know which websites load at least a few per page, and I will click through on those. I have a deslide website that I will try if I’m interested enough, and it only sometimes works. If it does, good for me. If it doesn’t, I don’t really need what you are offering and the price is way too high for me to pay.

Your advertising is only important to you. If you want me to see it, you have to make it worth it to me. Just saying. You don’t have to be so evil.