I have been working at improving my life for as long as I can remember. First I wanted to improve my career path. Then I wanted to be a perfect wife/mother. Then I wanted to be … well, thing after thing after thing. I wanted more.

But, and the word ‘but’ negates everything that has gone before, but why can’t I be happy where I am? I’ve been working at self-improvement and self-awareness and continuously more and more so when do I stop and look around and notice, hell, things aren’t so bad right here?

Because, you see, things aren’t so bad right here. I’m old and that’s a bummer because inside my head I’m not. But outside my head, the part that deals with the rest of the world, that part is old. Not ancient, but no spring chicken if you get my drift. Even in spite of that, I’m healthy which is not a given even for the young.

I’m able to write well enough that people might read some of it at least some of the time. I have been doing so, with what I feel is gradual improvement over time. Some of my early histories are not quite cringe-worthy, but not exactly how I would write them today. My process for selecting topics has also improved which makes me happier in the moment.

My children turned out – well, not perfect, but well above average. At least I think so. They are responsible adults in a world where adulting is so difficult memes appear across my Facebook page on a daily basis. And both adult well. They are contributing members of society and great fathers. Really, I couldn’t ask for more.

I’m still on my starter husband but that’s really far more due to the luck of having chosen well in the first place. I had no idea what I was doing when I was 18 but that doesn’t seem to have mattered in the long run.

I’ve been obsessing about CrossFit of late because I’m so far outside my comfort zone. I hate publishing my scores because they aren’t really all that good when looked at as raw scores. But I like to look at them as grading on the curve. I know how much lower everything was when I first started and I couldn’t do any of this crap. But now I can crap all over the place, as it were.

My CrossFit experience isn’t just the Open. Today, I saw something in the WOD I had never seen before. I’m used to doing some percentage of my one rep max for the skills. But I’ve never had that be more than my actual one rep max. Today, I was to lift 102.5% of my max lift. In other words, I had to get a new one rep max and then lift it twice. I thought it was impossible. But I was willing to try because the most I could do was not lift it. But I did. Twice.

I then got a bit smartypants and tried a little bit more weight. I got my 168# lifts with what felt like a little more in the tank. The 170# number looked better to me. I tried it and got it off the ground, but couldn’t complete the lift. It was still awesome. I will get it eventually. I will even get to my goal of 175#.

And when I get to that place, I’m going to rejoice. In fact, I’m rejoicing today. I got a new max and I earned every damn pound of it. <Insert happy dance here>

But wait, there’s more. The WOD was a descending ladder 10-1 box jumps with an ascending ladder 1-10 HSPU and a single rope climb after each set because why the hell not. Dorothy Parker would be pleased.

That’s 120 reps and there was a 10 minute time cap. Any reps left uncompleted would be added to the time, one second for each rep left. I considered my options. I don’t jump onto boxes, so I did step-ups. I don’t have a HSPU so I did them off a box with some extra height added. I don’t have a rope climb so I had a sub.

I mentioned to the coach that my limiting factor is almost always my heart rate and not muscle fatigue but if I should get to the seven HSPU subs I would probably have to break them into two sets because that’s usually too many for me. But, I didn’t really have to worry about it because I probably wouldn’t get that far.

Right. I’m just getting better and better at this shit because there I was. Thirty seconds left on the clock and on the round that needed 7 HSPUs and so I did them all at once and got over to the rope for my sub and finished that, too, with a good two seconds left. Happiness is not in the future. We, or at least I, tend to look towards the next big step. I did much better than I had any reason to believe today. I am happy about that.