I am either a real badass or a total fraud and I don’t know which. I looked at the WOD last night and the first thought was a resounding NO and then I remembered it is all scalable and I could do it – somehow. I don’t do them as written, but I do them. Masters version or maybe even legend version. But I get out there and I know I’m better now than when I began, but I want to be 30 again, something even my children are too old for.

Frankie’s birthday celebration is being continued at Disney World. There have been lots of pictures and she seems to be having a wonderful, glorious time. I know people love going to Disney World or any other Disney park. I am not one of them and I’m terribly glad she is having so much fun and I don’t have to. I’ve been there once decades ago and It’s a Small Small World is still trapped in my head.

For some reason, the electricity went out last night. I awoke overheated which might sound fun, but wasn’t. Everything was dark. I peeked out the windows and it was all dark out there, too. I assume the construction people who so far have taken out the internet, the water, and a gas line are responsible for the outage.

I have looked to find the setting for my Kindle, but I cannot find it. This is what I know: When a Kindle is plugged in to charge and the electricity comes back on, it becomes a beacon of joy and lights the room with effervescence, gleeful in its power. This is delightful, of course, but not quite as jolly at 4.12 AM.

I did eventually fall back to sleep and awoke to a bunch of clocks flashing at me since they do not all have battery backups. The stove, microwave, and coffeepot were all reset. The new toaster oven doesn’t have a clock. My alarm clock gained 6 minutes for no good reason and has been reset. It was now time to get ready to have a lovely morning at the sweltering CrossFit Summerville box. I remember, fondly, having to wear gloves because the bars were too cold to the touch.

Brent was there today so at least it wasn’t just me. But it was me and a fit, young man so that’s a bit of a difference in our workout styles.

We warmed up and them began the day’s work.

Today’s WOD as written:
5X1 min plank
with warm up. 15 sec rest between
Front squat
Light weight or 40-50% of 1RM
Work on quick ascend out of squat and hip flexion, posterior chain involvement.
100 DU (RX, RX attempts, power jumps are choices)
5 ring dips
10 Wall balls (20/14) Women aim for the same target as men-the red line
5 ring dips
15 Wall balls
5 ring dips
20 wall balls
5 ring dips
25 wall balls
5 ring dips
30 wall balls

First thing. There is no way on God’s green earth I am capable of holding a minute plank even once, let alone five times in six minutes. I told Kim I would hold, rest, and hold some more until the time was up and just hope for the best. The longest I held was 30 seconds and then it went all downhill from there. Since my lower back was really hurting, Kim watched me to see why and I was dropping my hips. Once I kept my core tighter and hips straight, that stopped. But I still sucked.

With the front squats, Kim said we could use the same weight each time or change and do 40, 45, and then 50%. I did that and used 32, 37, and 42 pounds for the front squats. I managed all of them without a problem, but on the last set, they weren’t as quick as on the first set and I had to pause between reps by the end.

Then the WOD. I added this shit up and was just astounded. And petrified. And just a big resounding NO. But it is all scalable and how did I want to scale. Kim asked if I was doing the whole thing and I almost couldn’t stop laughing. She asked my plan. I told her 70 jumps to the bar, the ring dips and wall balls as written through 25, and then 70 jumps. That gave me 20 ring dips and 70 wall balls along with the jumping around.

I then said if Brent was all done before I even started the 25 round, I wasn’t doing it.

I have no idea why the workout was supposed to be harder for women but not for men. The nine foot, rather than ten foot mark is pretty standard. But for these mere 100 wall balls, women should work harder than normal while frail, weenie men should just do their regular wall balls. I, of course, did my masters version with 10 pounds to an 8’ line and then hell with that nonsense.

Brent and I finished the 10 wall balls at the same time and then it was all downhill for me. I had managed all 70 jumps, rested to get my heart rate down and then done the 5 ring dips using a blue 1.5 inch band, and then gotten my heart rate down and did all 10 wall balls. But then Brent went zooming past.

I needed to rest and then do the 5 ring dips, then I had to rest and on the 15 set, I did them 8 and 7, then on the 20 set, I did them 10 and 10. I was hoping against hope that Brent was over there finishing up his 30 wall balls but instead as he finished, he went back to the rings. Damn. I was going to have to do the 25 set. I did that by breaking the wall balls into 10, 8, and 7 and then I had to do the jumps. Brent was just finishing so I wasn’t too far behind in my masters version. I broke the jumps into 35 and 35 and finished in 16.16.

The warm-up had 14 squats in it, but at least those were without any extra weight. The WOD was supposed to have 130 squats, but I cleverly got rid of 30 of those so I “only” did 114 squats today. I’m betting my ass and legs are really going to be hurting tomorrow.

Even babies are better at a plank hold

Even babies are better at a plank hold