I cried again last night. We didn’t do 15.1 as part of the scheduled WOD last week but I did look at it. I was absolutely astounded. I could have done it, albeit not very well, exactly as written for old farts. I didn’t need to scale anything back. I would have had a pitiful score, but it would have been as written. I never get to do anything as written.

Today’s WOD was 15.2. I couldn’t do it as written. After 2.5 years, I still can’t do stuff even written intentionally for old, fragile farts. I was disgusted with CrossFit and with myself. What makes me think I can attempt this crap. I’m a failure. I like to pretend I’ve failed my way to success but I don’t see any success. It’s always scaled, cut back, and still pitiful.

I stayed up playing stupid computer games until I knew I was tired enough to fall immediately asleep so I wouldn’t have to cry myself to sleep. When I woke up this morning, I told myself I didn’t have to go to the box. There is nothing that forces me to do this. I can be an old, pitiful woman in the comfort of my own home. I don’t need to be humiliated in public places. I’m too old for this. I sat around getting out of shape for too long. I’m a failure.

I’m a stubborn failure. As I stripped the bed to get  load of laundry started, I thought about the Open Games and the Fittest People on Earth and started to giggle. Jesus H. Christ. I am nowhere near the fittest person on Earth. I’m not even the fittest person in the room. I’m just an old fart who puts shit on the line three times a week and by doing so can do more today than I could 2.5 years ago. I’m not competing with anyone else. I’m just trying, sorry Yoda. Trying is important. I got dressed and headed out to the gym for the 8 AM class.

It was Hannah and me with Betsy coaching. We warmed up and did a bunch of stuff. It was ⁰F 39 this morning and so we were dressed in layers. As we warmed up, we peeled the layers off and finally were ready.

Today’s WOD as written:
Scaled Masters

(Scaled Masters Men 55-59, Scaled Masters Men 60+, Scaled Masters Women 55-59, Scaled Masters Women 60+)
Every 3 minutes for as long as possible complete:
From 0:00-3:00
2 rounds of:
6 overhead squats (45 / 35 lb.)
6 jumping chest-to-bar pull-ups
From 3:00-6:00
2 rounds of:
8 overhead squats (45 / 35 lb.)
8 jumping chest-to-bar pull-ups
From 6:00-9:00
2 rounds of:
10 overhead squats (45 / 35 lb.)
10 jumping chest-to-bar pull-ups
Etc., following same pattern until you fail to complete both rounds

I have a one rep max on an overhead squat of 29# and while that was from last fall and it may be higher now, I don’t think this was supposed to be done at max level. I heard the weight was light because the reps were high. So I used just a 22# bar. I also dressed appropriately in my mismatched shoes to help level me out.

The jumping chest to bar pull-ups were just as they sounded and I’m sure each one was a no rep. I don’t believe I really was high enough on a single jump, but you get what you get. I was hoping to get to minute six but had no illusions about getting any farther.

I had my heart rate as low as possible before starting which isn’t saying much. I got the first round done without having to pause at all except for moving from station to station. I got the second round done and had 45 seconds to rest and a heart rate in the low 170s. I got down to 154 before time to start again.

I got the 8 overhead squats done, sat on my pile of weights for the jumping and did box breathing and did the 8 chest to bar with a slight pause in the middle. I then sat on the weights to box breathe again and then got 8 more overhead squats. I got to the weights, panted for as long as I dared, and then did the 8 chest to bar moves and finished with 3 seconds left and a heart rate of 178.

Betsy said I could still do round 3 and I glared. She said to catch my breath and then see how many reps I could manage. I got my heart rate down to 158 and went to the bar. I snatched it up and then squatted okay. On the second rep I lost my balance and nearly conked myself in the head but managed to control the bar. I got the rest of the overhead squats without stopping. My heart rate was again high 170s. I sat on the weights and tried to get my heart rate down. With a minute left I knew I was going to have to move soon. I got five jumping chest to bar pull-ups done and had to sit again. With 20 seconds left, I stood up and jumped up five more times. I finished with two seconds to spare. This was more than I thought I would be able to manage.

I got the 24 reps from the first round, 32 reps from the seconds, and 20 from the third. That’s a score of 76, far more than I thought I could do. That’s what I get for trying. I had to work for nine minutes instead of the six I had planned on.

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Another thing I’m trying is this Ugliest Afghan on the Face of the Earth project my sisters coerced me into. I was willing to let the baby do this, then the big sister joined, then the friend joined up and then they all insisted it would be fun. I hate when people tell me something is going to be fun. It rarely is. This has had its moments as we all gasp at the ugliness and laugh at the horrible thing we are doing. This week’s clue did help make the terrifying ugliness of last week less scary. Even with the muted colors we are all using, each of us is appalled by the creation. But yesterday, I did finish my 20 squares. There are many personalizations, aka mistakes, in there. But it is not anything wonderful to start with, so I don’t really care. They are staying.

Twenty finished

Twenty finished

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