I needed to get laundry done and get my stuff packed. Not only was I packing for the adventure that is the Masters Garage Games, but we are staying in Hilton Head for a week with Dick’s golfing buddies and their wives. I packed food and supplies for the games and I packed some food and supplies for the coming week. I hope I have everything I need. But if I don’t, I can shop.

We left the house shortly before 2.30 and made our way south. It was easier to have much to do this morning and sorting and packing and getting things ready. Sitting in the car for over two hours was much harder. I had the Kindle and tried to play games, but with the sun shining, it is sometimes difficult to see the screen. But with nothing to occupy my mind, I began to worry some more.

I have multitudinous worries, most of them unfounded. I’ve been doing CrossFit for over two years and have gained much in that time. If I could survive the first few months at the box, I can survive tomorrow. I mean, really – I have done all the workouts and know I can manage them. I am no ball of fire and I can’t power through, but I can struggle along, pausing for my heart rate to come back down and then go some more. I know how to do this.

I’m still scared half to death. The people at 6 AM all know me and how little I can do. I have watched people at the I CAN Games and I know how much they can do. Some of the people from there are also old enough to be in the Masters Garage Games and they are amazingly awesome. I’m just old. I’m embarrassed to have anyone actually see me be this bad.

I’ve worked incredibly hard over the last two years and even harder over the last two months. My heart rate still goes too high too fast and too often and it take me too long to get it to come back down. I know all the things I do not do well. I can talk myself into abject fear. I wish I could talk myself back out.

I have so many questions. I have so many doubts. I have so many fears.

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