I had a hectic day at work yesterday but started my weekend so it all works out perfectly. Then I forgot to sleep last night. I was awake from 1 AM until after 2.30 – the last time I looked at the clock. I hate nights like this. I’m not awake enough to actually do anything useful, but I’m not resting or sleeping so the next day is shot, too.

I finally fell asleep and then the alarm went off at 5.15 and it was time to get up. There is nothing that says I have to go to the gym. Ever. There is only the tiny voice inside my head that says I’m supposed to go on the days I’ve scheduled and that commitment means showing up even when it isn’t convenient.

It was only me and Leslie today. Yesterday there was only Charlie and Todd. So far, there has been exactly two people at the 6 AM class each day this week. We warmed up with a run and row and then did some other stuff and then since it was Coach Cory, we had a little mini-WOD to do. I had two rounds, Leslie had three. Ten mountain climbers, 5 kettlebell swings (it was supposed to be light so I used 20#) and 5 sit-ups. That’s the part that was difficult. I have a zipper in the BACK of these pants so I can put a locker key somewhere. I don’t have a locker key, but I did have a zipper digging into the small of my back. It was not comfortable. Both Leslie and I did only Russian kettlebell swings and were happy with that.

Then we were declared warm and went on to the work of the day.

Today’s WOD as written:
one rep max push press

7 power snatch (95/75)
9 toes to bar
50 m sprint

I asked where the Red options went. I was not here the week they did the pretest for this cycle. I was up in Ohio having fun with my family. But these were the workouts scheduled for that week and it was possible, if anyone wrote their stats down, to compare before and after times. I did not have a before time.

My previous one rep max on a push press was 58# and I used a 33# bar again today. I made it to 63# and felt like I might have a teeny bit more. I grabbed the one pound plates from the guy’s private stash and tried 65 and failed – twice. But the 63# is another PR.

Cory scaled the WOD for me to weight of choice and I chose 22# and then 5 power snatch and 5 knees to elbows and then a 50 m stroll. I got the first round done and my heart rate after the stroll was back down to 133 and I hadn’t beeped at all. On the second round, I had to break the knees to elbows into 2 and 3 and I was beeping but just barely when finished. I was back down to 145 by the end of my stroll. On the third round, I had to break the knees to elbows in 3 and 2 but more because my hands were giving out than anything else. I was at 164 but began my stroll and when my heart rate got down to 158, I ran it back in and finished in 5.32.

It was still early and so we did some mobilization and then the three of us talked about CrossFit and our aspirations. I’m still always the worst score on the board or at least in the bottom three. I’m still the oldest woman there and the second oldest person there. If the older guy is still coming in, that is.

I hate to exercise but I find this enthralling. I suppose I could go and see how long it took me before I could lift a real barbell in a deadlift. I have a picture of me successfully getting 42# off the floor and I’m beaming. I had made it. I had full plates on a bar and I got that sucker free of gravity under my own power. I remember it being a goal to have weights on my weight for a back squat before I turned 60 and I made it with days to spare. I did a 27# back squat, but I think it was only to a box and not really breaking parallel.

I’m the worst score on the board. I’m so much better than I was when I walked in the gym for the first time. My heart rate still goes too high. But it takes more work to make that happen now. It took me months to get 42# off the floor and today I was tossing 1.5 times that much over my head. I can deadlift 100# more than that. I can squat and break parallel. I can lunge down the mat without a cane to support me. I use a real med ball for wall balls and a real kettlebell for swings. When I slam a slam ball, it’s the real girl one. I couldn’t have lifted 25# over my head when I walked through the doors the first time. Today, I can.

I can. All those various things and more – I can. I didn’t quit when it was hard. Instead of resigning myself to a life of can’t – I’ve worked my ass off (literally dropping two pants sizes) and gained a life of can. It isn’t what people half my age can do. It isn’t the best score on the board. But it is a score and it’s on the white board. And it is always much higher than those things I wrote two years ago. It’s still hard. But not at the pace or weights as when I began. I continue to work and push and strive and fail. And because of that, I succeed. That’s just crazy. But it’s also true.