I’ve been at this for almost nineteen months now. I have learned a great deal. Not about moving weight or controlling my body, but about me. I thought I was bull-headed and stubborn. Now I know that I’m driven and determined. I thought I was aging gracefully and now I’m fighting age. I thought my diet was pretty good and now I eat clean. But mostly what I have learned is that I can.

I can’t always do everything the youngsters can do and I certainly can’t move the weights they can move, but I can do so much more than I ever thought I could. I’m actually doing more now than I was when I was their age. Then, I was playing racquetball and was in decent shape, but not an all around athlete.

I used to read the WOD for the upcoming day and fret half the night knowing I couldn’t do what was written. When you can’t even squat properly there really isn’t much that can be done. I felt over and over again like a pitiful failure. But no one else was telling me I couldn’t and so I kept trying. I know what Yoda says, but trying was all I could do at the time.

I don’t know exactly when I stopped cringing and gasping at the reading of a WOD. I don’t know exactly when I stopped fretting and worrying half the night about not being able to do anything at the box and embarrassing myself and possibly hurting myself in the process. I don’t know when I decided that no matter how much I can’t do, there is now so much I can do that I’ve turned into a freaking, amazing athlete.

Maybe it was when I bought the wild socks. Maybe I bought the wild socks because I finally felt like I wasn’t an embarrassment to myself or CrossFit. I don’t know which came first, and I’m sure I still can’t do much as written, but I can do some of everything that appears on the white board.

It was a cold, misty morning and we did lots of warm-up stuff but it was all inside. 5 AM had to do their sprints in the misty rain. It is cold besides. But that is part of CrossFit. Suck it up, buttercup.

Today’s WOD as written:
Front Squats – 7 x 5 @ 75% 1RM
Remember this is week three of a four week cycle. If you were able to complete all of last week’s reps, you should be at a slightly higher weight this week. Make sure your form dictates the weight.
AMRAP in 10 minutes of:
10 ring push ups
backwards bear crawl
sprint to edge of sidewalk & back
25 squats

I stayed at the 58# for the second day of the week of front squats. They were difficult, but not impossible and I managed to get all the reps in. My left wrist is ouchy and I asked about it. I need to work on mobility and keep my elbows higher and I can take some of the weight off my hands/wrists and it will be better. I tried that today and did make all the rounds/reps and my wrist isn’t any worse than when I started, so I’m calling that a good thing.

Todd wanted to know what a backwards bear crawl was and it was exactly what it sounded like. I tried to see if I could do push-ups from the rings and I couldn’t even if I did girl push-ups. They would prefer real push-ups anyway, so I did them just from the floor. Todd did, too. Ricky, Jeremy, and Justin could all do the rings. They are all young men, so they should.

Last week when we doing the tossing the slam balls backwards overhead for the length of the parking lot, the 5, 6, and noon classes all had relatively the same scores. Then the evening classes all had a much higher score. It turned out that in order to not get run over in the parking lot, they didn’t go past the sidewalk which meant they didn’t have as far to go with this task and they could increase their scores.

Rather than punish the early classes or kill off the afternoon/evening classes, we changed the distance to shorten it up. It isn’t quite 100 meters, but no one gets killed and everyone is going the same distance so scores are more equitable.

I managed my first round with walking the parking lot (it had stopped raining so it was dry out there – well the ground was wet, but who cares about that) and didn’t start beeping until the last few squats. I got my heart rate down and began my push-ups again and had to pause momentarily (less than 10 seconds) before the bear crawl, walked the parking lot and beeped at the end of the squats. I did all that again and time was running out. So although I was beeping, I went right into the push-ups because I could rest when we were done. I got all ten done with three seconds left and decided that bear crawl for two steps wasn’t worth the effort. So my score was 3+10.

Some place during this workout, it hit me that I could have done nothing but walk the parking lot when I first started. I couldn’t do a push-up, I couldn’t move in a bear crawl either direction, and I couldn’t even squat. Looking at where I started sometimes gives me the shivers. How could I have been that pitiful? And then I get all cocky because I truly  was that pitiful, but I didn’t give up. That is the mystery. I hate failing and I failed over and over and over again, until I could succeed.