I’m on a recovery day and so it was possible to sleep in this morning. I woke up around 7.30 instead of 5.15 and I certainly can recommend not getting up at the crack of dawn. Actually, I can also recommend not getting up in the middle of the damn night which is really what 5.15 is now.

However, one of the lessons in life is learning who you are. I am the person who is good with words. You might not always know that from here, but I can be quite persuasive. Especially when it is me I’m trying to persuade and I’m trying to talk myself into something I actually want. I’m a sucker for that stuff.

I love to sit around and be a slug. I am very good at sitting and reading. I’m also pretty good at sitting and playing mindless computer games. I’m fantastic at sitting and surfing the web. I can sit for hours. And hours.

I am also a lark. I peak in the morning and it is all downhill from there. I can continue to function into the evening hours, but it isn’t my best time. I get up and am ready to go and do and be and whatever needs to happen. I loved working 7 to 3.30 shift and getting up early and out the door and being finished with my day relatively early. My work schedule for the last four years has been from 10 to 3 and only four days a week. I worked part time and liked it.

I would really have likes to start earlier and get out earlier, but now my routine with CrossFit has taken up my mornings. I go to the box, come home and get breakfast, write a blog post before I forget what I did, then get ready for work and can be there on time without rushing through any of my morning routine. So I finally learned to like not starting my day until it was half over.

A couple months ago, they hired a second office person. I saw my chance to cut back a bit on hours. I work three days a week and still go in at 10 and now leave at 4. It is just two hours less per week but I now have a four day weekend every week. This will give us more freedom to take mini-vacations like old farts are supposed to do once they are retired (and Dick is retired).

Now for the problem. I will not be working on either Thursday or Friday anymore. It was hard enough getting up in the middle of the night to go to the box on Friday and then come home and just be tired all day. Now, the same will be true for Thursday. I mean, I was tired before but it was at work so who cared? Now, on my days off, I have a choice to make.

CrossFit Summerville has classes at 5 AM, 6 AM, noon, and 4, 5, 6, and 7 PM. There is open gym from 9-10. On a couple Fridays when the partner WOD was just too much, I’ve told myself I would go to the open gym time and do something. Probably a modified and totally scaled version of the WOD. But in each instance, 9 AM came and went and I was still sitting immobile here at home. The later classes are even worse. I would be wide awake and completely able to talk myself out of going.

Every time I walk into the box, I’m challenging myself. And if I think too much about it before I go, I wimp out. It is all beyond me even now. I scale everything. I’m not supposed to say I can’t but I don’t know how else to describe the things I’m physically incapable of doing. I can’t do double unders. I can’t do a hand stand. I can’t do toes to bar because I can’t do an unassisted pull-up let alone anything else. It’s not that I’m lazy or dogging or not trying, I simply am old and feeble and can’t do those things – yet. I waited too long to start back to being a physically fit person.

I’m sure a younger person would have been able to progress much faster and be in a better place after more than a year. I believe I could have done so many years ago when I wasn’t fighting this much inertia. I’m proud of where I have gotten in the past year, but I realize without a doubt that I have much more to achieve. I’m not done yet.

So, I will set my alarm two days a week and get to the box before I wake up enough to realize what I’m doing to myself. I will walk in there half asleep and by the end of the hour be bursting with pride or busting with shame, depending on my effort level. And quite frankly, even though I know I’m not supposed to do this, depending on how I compare to the other people there who are, many of them anyway, young enough to be my kids.

I wish there was a 7 AM class as that would be perfect for me. But there isn’t and so I’m going to be at the 6 AM class and give it all I’ve got. If I were able to take a nap, I would, but I usually can’t sleep during the daylight hours (which was really hard when I worked night shift) and so I will just have to do what I need to do so that eventually I can do double unders and handstands, pull-ups and move large amounts of iron around. That is my goal. The only way to get there is to actually show up and put in the work. There is no caveat that allows for wishing makes it so.

But I wish … my schedule or my personality was a bit different. I wish I could make myself go at noon. There is no real reason why two days a week I can’t sleep in and go later. Except I know I won’t.

The only good thing about being this old is learning some stuff the hard way. I need the off day on Wednesday to recuperate from the two previous days as three days in a row is too much. I want to go to the box four days a week. I’m just going to have to figure that this is a time for me and learn to like it even if I don’t. I need to get rid of some of those honest can’ts and become the person I’m turning into.

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