I have signed up for the Whole Life Challenge and got all the paperwork and what I can and cannot eat was a shocker. The rest of the stuff is important, but that is easy to do. I already go to the box four times a week, so that’s taken care of. I can easily add ten minutes of light exercise/movement to the days I don’t go to the box. Drinking more water will be nasty cuz I don’t like water all that much, but I can do it.

What is problematic is the list of things I cannot eat. I printed out the pages and all I can say is that I’m glad I choose Beginner because there is so much on that list that I can’t eat that taking more away would be cruel and unusual punishment.

What is frosting my cookies – as it were – right now is that people who put sugar in their coffee or tea can continue to put sugar in the drinks. But if you put milk in your coffee or tea, learn to drink it black. What the hell is that? I assume the people in charge of these lists drink black, sweetened coffee.

One person who seems to me to be pretty much a total idiot said that perhaps putting butter in one’s coffee would suffice. What? Who would put butter in their coffee instead of milk? And how, by the name of all that is holy and invoking my favorite Norse god, Loki, would that be healthy?

Why is butter even allowed if milk, cream, and cheese are not? Do these people not know how butter is made? It’s not like I need butter for my bread because I can’t have any. I can’t even have gluten free bread because I can’t have rice or barley along with the wheat. I guess I need to put something on the mounds of veggies I will be eating instead of something like, say, a potato.

I don’t take any over the counter additional chemical shitstorms but for these next eight weeks, I’m supposed to. So, I looked at supplements and decided a cheap and hopefully easy addition to my intake and since I can’t have milk I might need it – is vitamin D. It seems a bit odd that I’m not supposed to have anything unnatural going in – except supplements. Crazy talk! I hope I don’t have any side effects from my supplement, as vitamins make me sick and black cohosh made be break out so bad I was on steroids.

I assume that bacon is processed meat so my salad that I have every day for lunch will have to be crappy for eight weeks while I don’t add the two strips of bacon to them. I make my own dressing, but I should be careful because some balsamic vinegars might have come caramel in the coloring or something. But don’t worry about sugar in marinara sauce.

The inconsistencies are mind boggling. Someone can add two teaspoons of sugar to their coffee, but I’m supposed to worry about the minuscule possible addition of a bit of sugar in my vinegar. Maybe I can just put butter on my salad.

I’m fairly certain I’m going to be losing quite a few points on the diet side of things. Hopefully, I can keep up the points on the other issues and have my whole life in sync by the end of eight weeks and going back to two eggs with an English muffin for breakfast after I work out.

I’m sure I can lose some weight on this diet because there doesn’t seem to be really enough food to actually eat. I keep trying to think what I will have for dinner each night. It should be fairly awful. I went through all my favorite recipes that I have printed out. I don’t like using a cookbook because it gets dirty. So I have a stack at least an inch high of recipes printed out on regular paper. Out of the entire stack, six of them would be acceptable for this challenge.

I looked up Paleo recipes for granola. They had honey included so the crap didn’t taste like cardboard. So, even though it was Paleo, it wasn’t WCL. That seems mean.

My great-nephew is lactose intolerant and allergic to gluten. However, he can have rice (I can’t) and he can have sugar (I can’t). I thought his diet is highly restrictive, but this is even worse. I can’t imagine what the RX diet allows you to eat. It must be nothing. Chew air for eight weeks. You will like it.

It should be interesting for the next few weeks. I will try to remember not to whine too much. No one is forcing me to do this. I chose it for myself and perhaps it won’t be too bad. I’m sure I can find stuff to eat. Boring stuff, but stuff.

So far today I had an English muffin, some potato chips, we had pasta for dinner, and I’m ending the day with chocolate sauce over ice cream – real high-fat, delicious ice cream. Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we diet.

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