I feel like a third grader who was mistakenly put in a fifth grade class. I sorta know the stuff, but I’m so slow and far behind that it makes me sad. I work as hard as I can and I’m still not a fifth grader and I won’t be for a very long time and by then the fifth graders will have moved on as well.

I know that when I started I was in kindergarten and I have moved forward from there. But I’m still always behind, always last, always slowest, always old and weak and not as sprightly or springy as the younger people who have all been doing this or something like for far longer than I have.

I’m in the place this morning of the cute little sign saying, “God, I need patience and I want it NOW!”

Warm-up today was a 400 meter run (which I can’t do unless I walk part of it and then sit and pant for a while) so I ran a 200 meter thing and tried going a little farther and that was a mistake. But after I got back, it was a 500 meter row. Then lunge down the mat with a PVC pipe held overhead. I tried it and I made it, but I was quite wobbly and the PVC pipe did not stay stable. The only way to get better at this is to do it badly at first and improve with practice. So today I did it badly. Next was ten good mornings then inchworm down the mat with a push-up at the bottom because why not. Then five back bridges or back arches. I used to be able to do this but that was 20 to 25 years ago. I could arch up my back but not lift myself up with my arms. I did what I could. End with dislocates and passthroughs. I was a third grader in the fifth grade room.

The WOD as written:
Spend 20 minutes working on the flexibility that will allow you to get a vertical torso in the rock bottom of your squat. Don’t take this time too lightly; you’ll be putting your newfound flexibility to use real soon…
Test/Retest: Jerk-grip Overhead Squat
1,000 meter Row race.
– Get a partner, connect the rowers, and race each other to 1,000 meters!

I got down further on my squat before hitting the PVC pipe to the bar than I thought I would. After the 20 minutes of stretches I still got more depth but I hit the bar only with the right side. My left elbow doesn’t work right ever since that rollerblading attempt and my left knee is a concern although I haven’t reinjured it, I baby it. So some of that may be able to be corrected but the elbow is what it is.

I’m not sure what hellish thing is coming up soon, but I didn’t gain all that much flexibility in 20 minutes. There are 525,949 minutes in a year (according to Google) and I’ve lived 60 years, four months, and two days. That 20 minutes isn’t much.

Kim thought she could get the rowing machines connected because it looked simple. But we couldn’t figure it out. However, we could set the machines to give us an exact time for how long it took to row the 1000 meters down to tenths of a second.

There were five of us there this morning and I mentioned that it would be ludicrous for me to race anyone and really unfair to them as well. There were four real CrossFitters and me. So it made sense for them to compete against each other in pairs and me to be the odd one out.

But since we couldn’t get the rowers connected all we did was compete against each other as a group. If they had been connected, you would have been able to see your partner’s data and been able to adjust your rowing to try to better the other person’s numbers. However, we didn’t have the technology available which really didn’t matter to me at all.

I bet no one can guess who finished last. I was about 2.5 minutes longer than the fastest person and a minute and one second longer than the second slowest person. My time was 5.08.7.

The last time I measured time for a 1000 meter row it was over 6 minutes. I know I’m getting better. I know I’m always the oldest person there. I know I sat around for too long. I also know that yesterday I bought a size four skirt because the size six was too big. I haven’t lost that much weight, but the weight I have is now much more compact; more muscle and less fat.

I love seeing how much I can achieve and I know I’ve come a long way, baby. I just want it ALL and I want it NOW.