I looked again last night. I really should stop looking. I knew it was futile. I’m not sure why anyone else wouldn’t know it was futile, but apparently it just looked “fun” or “hard” or something CrossFit-ish. But it was futile. It was, in fact, impossible. And not just for me.

Warm-up today was a 200 meter run so I did a 250 meter row. Then Ryan complex down the mat followed by a broad jump (into a squat) down the mat. Then a bear crawl down the mat and by this time I had an intimate knowledge of all the detritus in my lane. Ten cherry pickers, ten pull-ups (I did ring rows) and dislocates and pass throughs to end.

Next on the list of things to do:
Every 30 seconds for 5 minutes
1 power clean @ 80% of 1RM

Since my max effort is 42 pounds, I worked with 32 pounds for this. However, the five pound plates are smaller and so the bar is closer to the ground. So I had to build up little piles of plates to make a stack so that my bar was a “normal” height. However, with the smaller plates, the springs that hold them on, kept hitting the plates. I did my reps without holding the weights on. Nothing went flying off.

Next up: Introduction to the Pendlay Row

This is some funky squatted lift devised by Sadist Pendlay and named for him/her so we know who to swear at under our breath while doing this odd thing.

The WOD as written:
The Pendlay Row 4 X 5 (45 seconds rest)
Then:
Row: 3X1K – rest 1:1 – 30 burpee penalty for every set that deviates +/- 5 sec. from the fastest set.
Run: 4X800m – rest 1:1 – 25 burpee penalty for every set that deviates +/- 5 sec. from the fastest set.

First problem with the WOD as written is there is no weight guide for the lovely Pendlay Row shit. I stuck with my 32# and my piled up plates and just worked with that.

Next was the rows and runs and this is why the thing is impossible. That 1:1 ratio means that if it takes four minutes to do something, then you rest for four minutes, then four minutes to do something and then rest.

Ricky was moving the fastest this morning and his time was right around that 4 minute mark. It will come as no surprise to anyone to learn that I was the slowest person and I was closer to 5:45 for each kilometer row. If we average that, we can be kind and let me do easier math and say 4 ½ minutes for a row, and so that means 9 minutes for a round. That is 27 minutes there.

Then we go on to the runs, but we have run out of time already. We did a 10-15 minute warm-up. Then we had to set up our weights and get ready for 5 minutes of lifts. Then we learned about this fresh new hell (as Dorothy Parker would say) and did that, with the required rest of 45 seconds, that’s another five minutes. We then had all this equipment out and had to put it away. So there was a half hour shot to hell and then we rowed for a half hour. Since class is an hour long, we ran out of time.

Now, we still have two miles to run in ¼ mile increments with each taking somewhere around 4 to 4 ½ minutes with that same 1:1 rest. So, let’s say 9 minutes, but we really don’t have to worry about that last rest since we are done. So that is just 32 minutes for the run stuff.

Now, if we didn’t get our times close enough, we are punished with burpees. There could be 60 due for the row (and for me there would have been) and 75 more for the runs, for me there weren’t.

What did I do? My rows were 5:33, 5:49, 5:46 (My heart monitor only beeped twice on the first round and three times for the other two. I don’t stop rowing, but I do slow down so I don’t have a heart attack, something we are hoping happens, but it screws up my times.)

Ricky didn’t do the runs at all. I did two 200 meter runs/walks for 2:14 and 2:10. Candace did two half miles and she was just returning as I was pulling out of the parking lot at 7.10.

None of us ever waited the full time between our rows and neither of us rested that long between our runs. No one was doing any burpees.

I did what I could. I feel good about what I achieved. I would like to see the people writing these WODs use a little more sense. But that may asking too much.

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