I need my hair cut. Really, it just needs to be trimmed. I have threatened to take my self to the salon and get this done since the end of August. Since it is now the middle of October my self should be all trimmed up.


Scary and sad and mostly more scary


But I can’t make myself take my self to the salon because they will cut my hair instead of trim it. Then I won’t be able to tie it back and out of my face for all the things I want to tie it back and out of my face for. (That was a horrible sentence and grammatically incorrect. Too bad.)

I need to control my hair when the top is down on the car. It is too long to just let fly around because it 1) obstructs my vision and 2) gets all snarled. So I contain it with a cap while the top is down.

I need to control my hair on my morning walks. I need it tied up because 1) I don’t want it blowing in my face and 2) it is cooler.

This may be a bit of the “too much information” stuff, but I need to keep it out of the way when I brush my teeth. I can enumerate the reasons, but surely you can figure out why used toothpaste should not adorn one’s hair.

It has been over a year since the last time I have stepped foot into a salon. The deal then was to shape it up so it would be easier to grow out. I took a picture of the haircut I wanted and I did perhaps get something similar to it. It was supposed to be cut to an all around longer length than I received. There was far too much hair on the floor when we were done.

It was in the shape I had asked for, but I have no idea why it wasn’t at least an inch-and-a-half longer than what it was.

Beauticians or stylists or whatever they are called now have an absolute fit if you ask them to cut off long hair and make it into a short hairstyle. I know because I’ve done this several times over the years. They are always a bit leery of completing my request. They apparently revere long hair right up until you come in for a trim.

I know I have horrible split ends. This is because I can’t trust anyone to just trim the ends off. They will want to cut off all the split ends leaving me with a shaved head. I do not want this. And so I don’t go.

I’ve told the story of taking my ruler to the salon with me and threatening the woman with the ruler, stating if too much of my hair was gone when she finished – after measuring before and after – I would hit her with the ruler. It was the one time I actually had only an inch trimmed off when I went in for a trim.

I really need more than an inch trimmed off this time. So I have to grow it out long enough so when some maniac with a pair of scissors gets done with my hair, it will be long enough to continue to tie back. I’m not anywhere near that yet.

I hate the way my hair looks right now but I have no idea what to do about it. I do not want layers and they love layers to give my hair “body” and “movement.” Then, on occasion, when I’m not paying close enough attention to Edward Scissorhands, they get the thinning shears out to make sure my hair is flyaway and uncontrollable for the next year. Again, this is done for “body.”

What I would love to find is a person licensed to use scissors who would actually listen to the me, the client, who is paying for a service. I don’t go in there and ask to be turned into a goddess or a particular movie star. I go in with a picture or a very clear description of what I want done. They do something. I come home and cry.

It has been so long since my hair looked like what I was hoping for. But I’m so sick of this mess as it is. It would be easier to cave and just let all the hair be gone. But that isn’t what I’ve wanted. I’ve been struggling with this for over three years now as I’ve tried to grow out the color, gotten it streaked, had plaid hair because flamer gay guy was too busy telling me about his boyfriend and not worrying about what he was doing to my head, and then just struggling on my own.

I love the color of my gray hair. It is pretty gray hair. It is even soft gray hair except for the fuzzy split ends. But I can’t go because the very edge, near my face is a mess and they will insist on fixing it for me in a way I don’t want fixed. I have been able to contain it only for the last six weeks. They will cut off more than that and I will have hair in my face again.

So instead I have horrible split ends in my face again. I cut my own bangs, I’m thinking of trimming up this small bit and hoping it gives me a reprieve until I can grow it out enough to venture into a salon for a trim and getting two to three inches cut off. I hate to pay someone to make me cry.