I know I am going directly to hell because I can’t stop thinking bad things about this car.
I work on Main Street in Summerville, South Carolina. It is part of historic Summerville. My building is over a hundred years old and it is divided into many different offices. The downstairs contain some offices and businesses and along the street are many different store fronts.
Right next to the building, and attached at the roof, is a store that was once Prima Ballerina. They moved to a location around the block over Thanksgiving weekend. Since that time, a car has been parked in front of the now vacant store front.
The car is a beat up, paint peeling, green station wagon. On the passenger door at least, I’ve never seen the driver’s side door, is a sign. It is one of those magnetic signs that are printed up and then slapped on vehicles.
It says lots of things but I can’t remember all it says. The first line, however, is burned in my brain and reads: JESUS IS COMING AGAIN!
And that’s my problem. I have no idea what I was thinking about the first time I saw this car, but it just sounded like something from a porn place.
I can see the massive round bed covered in red satin sheets and a bevy of nubile women fanning a heavily breathing man who wears only a satisfied smile.
Perhaps the man in question is Hispanic and Hey-soos is bragging about his masculinity. Perhaps I just have a dirty mind. Maybe it is the exclamation point that put me over the edge.
I can’t seem to get the image out of my head. I’ve never been tempted to think such things when someone mentions Jesus’s second coming – that always just seems like a Biblical prophecy and nothing untoward.
Whatever it is, I know the sign is affiliated with some church in Jedburg and I know that each and every time I see it, I now think of the same thing. And so I know I’m on my way to hell.
